Monday, January 26, 2009

Ellwood Thompsons Is Funny

On a trip to the Carytown ABC store a few days ago to pick up a liquor order for the bar, my co-worker insisted on stopping by Ellwood Thompsons Natural Market for some vinegar-tasting, "body cleansing" ale that he likes to drink. I haven't been in Ellwoods for at least two years and now I remember why.

- Over-priced "natural" and "healthy", organic, locally grown crap.

- An overwhelming stench of Patchouli and another smell that I couldn't quite wrap my nose around. It was kind 0f like the "Grandma's house when you're 7 years old"-smell.

- Deluded people whose soft bodies go against the entire health-centric idea behind Ellwoods.

- Deluded people who think that natural foods and other ridiculous new-age fads like "chick-pea oil" are soooo much better for you than processed foods, good ol-fashioned gym-time and disciplined eating.

- High cashier who had to ring up my friends order multiple times because, "Duuuudddeee, haha, hold on I totally messed it up again. Haha. Can you hand me back the ale man?" Not that there's anything wrong with getting high. In fact there's everything right with getting high, it's just funny (and I guess commonplace) when the cashier at a hippie food store is baked.

I trash Ellwoods but there are some highly in-shape, non-hippie, non-bearded people who shop there for the selection of natural foods, so it can't all be bad. Still, with the exorbitant prices you would be much better off supporting the "man" and going to a low-end grocer like Food Lion.

Of course while I sit here and preach economy and discipline, I also went straight to Starbucks after Ellwoods and paid 5 bucks for a Grande Vanilla Latte.


Tom Sanchez Prunier said...

Hey, at least you're honest with yourself at the end.

I hit up Ellwood's for items I can't get anywhere else. You're right about the high prices.

Stoned cashiers are funny. If you mess with them just right, you can get $60 change for a $5 bill.

Food Lion (or Food Squirrel, if you take their logo at face value) is always a painful experience. At least Ellwood, Ukrop's, etc. have cash registers open. No matter when you go into Food Squirrel, you're waiting on line - even for a pack of gum. I'll pay more to leave the market the same day I entered it.

/rant off.

Grandpa Joe said...

That place does reek of something awful. Cat shit perhaps?

God Damn Hippies.

Meade Skelton said...

From my own personal experience, it does seem its a work environment that is hygiene-optional.

Anonymous said...

On just the prices, it helps to compare item for item. Kombucha(which i'm guessing is your friend's "vinegary ale") has been on sale at Ellwood's for $2.99 for over a month. Shop at any other grocery store in the Richmond area and kombucha is priced well over $4.

Rach said...

I think Ellwood's is doing some thing now where they've lowered the prices on like half their shit. I guess they finally got the picture.

But how can you hate on that hot bar!? That shit is like Thanksgiving everyday!

garregus said...

heh soft bodies.

kind of the like the cute friend?

Anonymous said...

I don't care much for Elwoods, either, but you're really proving yourself to be a 24 carat buffoon.

Jared said...

It's good to see anonymous is back. I was beginning to think he forgot about you Jack.

Melissa said...

The price cuts bring some of their prices down to Whole Foods levels. Fine with me because I can walk to ET but not Whole Foods.

I like ET because they sell eggs and some meat from real farms, not the big industrial deals which seem dirty and kind of unfair. I have no problem eating a chicken that got killed by a person, but eating a chicken that got put through a killing machine makes it not taste good to me. I know not everyone agrees but I'm glad I have the option, at least.