Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Getting It Together

You live and you learn...

-I've quit, not one, but two awesome jobs in the past three years. Both were quit because I thought I deserved or could make more money. I'm currently unemployed due to taking a corporate job in DC that I couldn't handle.

-I went to a subpar out of state University because I thought I was going to be able to walk onto the basketball team. It didn't happen. Now I wish I would've used my smarts to go to a bigger city(NYC!!!!) and better school. Its to late for that though.

-I've dumped at least 5 girls who were nothing short of spectacular to me even though I was pretty much bi-polar to them.

-I was an Resident Assistant my Sophomore year of College and it paid for a large chunk of my tuition...that is, until I got kicked out of the dorms for drinking with my residents and to a lesser extent sleeping with the Freshman girls in the dorm.

-I was President of my fraternity during my Senior year of college. I ended up getting suspended (or put on probation) for spending fraternity funds on strippers and drinks (for the fraternity) and I eventually quit the fraternity before graduation due to conflicts arising from that incident.

-I spend money I don't have and I have way to many bills for a 24 year old. This fact has me locked in one place and will probably define my existance for the next few years.

-I drink to much and although it hasn't gotten me in legal trouble, it has brought me a lot of unneccessary grief and issues.

-I haven't been a good family person for the past 8 years or so.

Everyone has made mistakes and everyone has problems. I guess I'm just ready to rectify a few of mine. with job offers on the table and opportunity knocking, its time I got my shit together. Its time for me to man up a bit. I doubt the drinking or fornicating will change though.

For now my dreams will remain the same but my reality will not. I don't doubt that I'm gonna make great things happen in this lifetime, it'll just take a bit longer than planned. Its tough sometimes to remember how much time we actually have. I've been chasing shit at 22-23 years old, thats just foolish and its time I focus on and stick to something ...Patience...Young man...Patience

"Its up to me now, turn on the bright lights..." -Interpol

"...henceforth will learn to accept my errors, however great they be..."— Chris McCandless' journal from Alaska, written weeks before he died

Monday, February 25, 2008

Dating Games

Mike: How about if I wait six weeks to call. I could tell her I found her number while I was cleaning out my wallet, I can't remember where we met. I'll ask her what she looks like and then I'll ask her if we fucked. How about that? Would that be money?

Jack Goes Forth: Well Mikey, actually yes...that would be the money.

I have a thing for this chick and its like all of a sudden all of what I know about women has been tossed out the window. I'm texting to often or calling her when I know I shouldn't be. I mean what the f*ck??? Where'd you go Jack?

It seems strange that the girls you ignore (on purpose or not) are the ones that really want you...Meanwhile the ones you call , ask on dates and say nice shit to, don't seem as eager. Now don't get me wrong, I know the reasoning behind this and I follow the code of the jerk almost all of the time...It works... But even Jack Goes Forth can get excited about a girl and actually want to be nice!!! I know I know.... gross.

I'm just a bit perturbed because I had a texting outbreak a few hours ago that went a bit haywire. I'm usually money in the early stages.... psh

My new rule when I meet a girl I'm really into....Never ever call or text her! Its a bit unorthodox but its just crazy enough to work. I just need to figure out how I'll ever see her again without actually communicating with her. That could be a slight problem... Its not the best plan, but I'll probably do it as a George Costanza-type experiment and for extra writing fodder.

Meanwhile my answer to the texting fiasco of 2-25-2008?? Nothing. Cold shoulder. Never happened. Who? Huh? Whaaa? A few days of silence may pass and guess what??? She'll break the barrier and come-a-running my dear readers! :)

Mind games are fun. Don't let any jaded women or beta boy nice guys tell you any differently.

Jerry Seinfeld: What's the point of dating without games? How do you know if you're winning or losing?

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Sunday Night Thoughts

*In addition to being a so-so writer Jack Goes Forth is also an out of work pimp.

For someone who is unemployed and penniless I remain horribly optimistic. Even now, when things are looking bleak, I just have an overabundance of confidence. Maybe I'm to crazy to grasp my situation and my brain chemistry is somehow blocking out the negative thoughts. If thats the case then I guess I have the "good kind of crazy." I just don't see any reason to get down on myself. I have my youth and a sort of edge that I can't really explain...whatever it is though... well, I just know that it won't let me down... not in this lifetime.

I do go through brief moments of despair though. I'm ready for the sun to shine through a bit more.... its coming. I just gotta keep my head up.

I'm not sure what purpose this blog is serving me (currently its bringing me a lot of grief and criticism), but I'm not going to stop writing what I feel and think. I certainly don't plan on toning anything down either. The main point of contention is that a lot of people thought they knew me inside and out, only to have this blog show them a side of me they didn't know existed. The truth of the matter is I don't even know myself and I'm constantly re-evaluating what this all means. If I don't know who I am or what I want....How can anyone know me or what type of person I am??? They can't. I don't want to piss people off, but I didn't start this blog to make anyone happy either. This is a "me" blog.... Whether I have 200 readers a day, or 2... I can't change how I feel about stuff.

There are moments when I want something more real with a girl. These moments are fleeting, but they happen. I don't think this would effect my immediate future...but it gives me hope that maybe the Tin man Jack actually does have a heart. Okay I think I just threw up in my mouth a bit. I'm having a strange night...

I sat through the entire Oscar telecast. Maybe thats why I'm in such a weird mood. I feel gross about watching that much crap.

Its going to be a good week. I can feel it.


Adversity precedes growth.

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.

Be daring, be different, be impractical, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Law School Myth

Sometime during college I decided that I was going to be a lawyer. I had no real interest in the law but it seemed like a nice paying, respectable profession. People seem to respect attorneys. So I got an internship at a law firm, joined my college's "pre-law association, and built my resume up through Fraternity and other club activities. My LSAT(Law School Entrance Exams) scores were solid but unfortunately my GPA wasn't anything special due to my heavy party and fornication schedule. I didn't really know anything at the time and I figured that as long as I got accepted into a law school I would be golden.

A long story short...I got into a few lower tier law schools but after graduation I immediately scored a job in sales with a liquor company. My law school dreams quickly ended and my alcohol tolerance and "notch count" rapidly increased.

Fast forward to the present day.

So about 4 months ago as I was working in my horrible corporate gig (it involved attorneys and recruiting) I got the law school bug again and re-applied to many of the same shit law schools I had applied to before. I figured this would be a way to lend some credibility to my life and "give me direction". Plus I was suicidal walking from the Metro to my office every morning so I knew I had to change something. Why did I leave the liquor biz for more money?!?

I tell this story because I recently got into a few of these lower tier schools (U Baltimore, New England School of Law, Texas Tech). Well heres the nasty little secret about any non top 30-40 law schools:

When you attend a tier 2,3,or 4 law school you have to finish top 5-10 % of your class, or have an incredible connection within a major firm to leave law school and make "real" money. Many kids, like myself, get tricked into attended a lower tier law school with promises of a 90% employment rate straight after graduation, but in reality that 90% is only the people that respond to the stupid ass surveys. Most lower tier law grads struggle stuggle stuggle. Most of the these schools are simply diploma mills looking to make money. How do I know this???

Because in my corporate gig I dealt with these sad sack attorneys who are having to do temporary attorney work, owed 150K in law school loans, and couldn't find permanent work. Now in their defense, some of them choose to do temporary work (which consists of reviewing documents for 70 hours a week...very mundane work. Trained monkeys could do it), but most of them are forced into the drudgery of temp work to pay their huge law school debts.

Its only about 5 -10% of all law school grads who come out of school to plum, 140K a year jobs with big law firms. Most lawyers are taking 45 K a year jobs or doing temp work and struggling to make ends meet.

I could go ahead and attend Texas Tech, but unless I want to live and work in Lubbock or in the Texas region, I will never get a good job in any other major city. Lower tier schools will allow you to maybe find work where that school is located but not anywhere else. I met a young attorney who graduated from Golden Gate U Law in San Francisco. He had just moved to DC and was hoping I could help him find work. Well needless to say I couldn't and I'd be willing to bet hes still looking. I always just thought a law degree opened all the doors for you...this is not true.

Now that my life outlook and beliefs have changed and are constantly changing...I understand that status and titles (attorney) don't mean shit. I'm glad I dodged a bullet by not taking out a loan for 140 K and attending a law school for three more years. Unless you're going to a big dog law school or you absolutely LOVE the law and would do anything to work in it...I just don't think its worth it.

PS: I've gotten more booty being a poor, unemployed man of Richmond VA than I did as a somewhat successful corporate drone in Washington DC. It goes to show you how money, jobs and status mean nothing. My inner-game is simply becoming to tight for the rich kids to compete with.
PS II: If you are thinking about Law School check out this website. He's a disgruntled temporary attorney. Read through the links and articles. You WILL start to think twice about law school.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

The Bad Boy

*Jerry: Interesting. She doesn't care for you, then a stern warning, suddenly a
phone call. Seems Elaine's made you the bad boy. And Anna digs the bad boy.

George: I'm the bad boy. I've never been the bad boy.

I was recently told by a girl that I'm one of those guys that girls in their twenties have fun flings with before they are ready to find that nice, caring boy who they want to settle down with. She went on to say that girls see me as a story to tell their girlfriends and not a real prospect for marriage due to my apathy towards everything and general recklessness. She called me "arm-candy". -Just thought the reader should hear that too. :)
Soooo...wait. You're telling me girls just want to hook up with me? Ummmm.....awesome. On some level I've always known this, but now that I've officially been designated a "fling" I guess I really need to get out there and meet as many twenty-somethings as possible before they settle down. Its my sacred duty in a way.

I'm not going to question why girls are drawn to "bad guys" or "fixer-uppers". I'm not going to sit here and wonder why the complete assholes get 95% of the girls while the nice guys masterbate. No...I really don't care why things are like this. If nice guys finish last than say hello to the modern day Svengali.

If you're confident in yourself and refuse to act differently no matter whose company you're in, then you're a rock star. People may think you're an asshole.... boo hoo. I don't need to be told that I'm cool or that I'm a loser or that I need to get a job or that my blog sucks. I know my own reality. Unfortunately almost everyone in this world needs other people to justify their lives. They need to complain and gossip and conform with society. I'm fine with this though... More "fun-flings" for moi.

It is better to be attacked, even slandered, than ignored.... The actor who steps into the limelight attains a heightened presense. All eyes are on him.... Make your gestures so large, amusing, and scandulous that the light stays on you while others are left in the shadows. - Robert Greene

Monday, February 18, 2008

Weekend Warrior

Well the weekend was predictably unpredictable, and it still turned out pretty damn good. Good to the point that I don't want to de-value it with a running diary. I will give an extremely brief recap though.

My supposed "date" for Friday basically flaked on me and didn't call me back so I ended up going out hard that night with some friends. Of course I meet a new girl out at a bar and we ended up going on a date Saturday night (my blog prophecy about a date this weekend held true!). I refuse to elaborate any further though and will only mention that had the date or the following night gone bad, there would be a running diary/rant. There isn't a running diary or a rant, so use your imagination.

Thoughts from the weekend:

Your mindframe before going out is almost always equal to how your night ends up turning out. When you're pressing and trying really hard to hit on girls, your night will not be as much fun. I sometimes get caught up in the act of scanning the bar and thinking of all the angles, when history has taught me that sometimes you have to just relax and have fun. Getting laid is important, but enjoying the process is just as important.

People can fool you. Sometimes you may think someone has all their shit together and things are great for them, when in reality their going through the same shit that you are. I think for the most part everyone has or has had major problems(usually money related), and its important to remember that we all fight the same issues and have the same stressors. I sometimes think that I'm unlucky and that other people get more breaks than me.... but in reality thats not the case. When people act like their shit don't stink...I wanna knock their fucking teeth out :)

I need to keep remembering how long life is, and how in the grand scheme of things my issues are nothing. In all likelyhood I'll look back in a year and have a laugh about some of this. Not getting bogged down by stupid problems is my major MO right now.

I forgot how much fun and how relaxing a good date can be. Once you get past the initial awkwardness and you settle into a good conversational flow...well....its actually fun most of the time. Although I've walked out on some dates before so its not always great. My personal favorite is the "scorched earth" appraoch. This involves brutal honesty... " Listen, you seem nice, but talking to you is like putting my manhood in a pit of fire ants. It sucks. I'll see ya around."

I saw the movie "Jumper". Critics hated it, everyone I spoke to hated it, and I absolutely loved it. I can't explain why, but I guess I just really wanted the main character's life. (He could go anywhere at any time, robbed banks and did whatever he wanted.) Its good to daydream sometimes. Also I have a heavy attraction for the female lead--Rachel Bilson.

Sober intercourse is much better than drunkenly hooking up. I mean...ummm....thats what I've heard.

Friday, February 15, 2008

A Date?!?

I'm going on a date this weekend. I'm fairly sure my date doesn't read this blog (or at least I hope she doesn't), because I will be doing a running diary sometime later tomorrow or Sunday about the date. Ummm... expect something hilarious or awkward to go down, as I'm completely incapable of doing anything normal....especially on a first date.

I feel like I used to go on dates all the time, like 4-5 new ones a month. Recently though due to my living situation, lack of work and utter lack of respect for anything considered a "relationship", I've fallen off the dating wagon . This is going to change.

If my date does read this, well I apologize in advance for the 4 condoms falling out of my pocket when I went to pay for our popcorn, and for the inappropriate comment about your cleavage 5 minutes into the date, and for moving in for a first kiss during the previews, and for that awkward moment when I...... well.... you get it.

*The Karate Kid knew a thing or two about first dates. Elizabeth Shue?!? I mean...damn. Shes marriage material.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Hey Me, It's Jack

(Ed.Note: I wrote this letter to myself a few weeks ago for a new blog ( Read it and take it with a grain of salt.)

Dear Me,

I want to congratulate you on being such a smashing sexy success in 2007. Lets run down what made the last year of our life so incredibly awesome.

You managed to work for two different employers and still end the year unemployed and with virtually no prospects. I really want to pat us on the back for such a show of incompetence and utter laziness. We proved that money and bills mean absolutely nothing to us.

An 89% condom usage rate!!! We managed to shatter our previous record of 40% set in 2005. Somehow all of those fearful trips to the free clinic and the multiple cotton swabs to the pee-pee hole finally scared us straight.

Though I don't have the numbers to back this up, it would be safe to say that 2007 was our heaviest drinking year yet. We really took our "college-self" out behind the tool shed and kicked his ass. He couldn't keep up with the new and improved drinking 'us'. Also judging by the huge facial scar and multiple condom wrappers found behind the bed...I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say we blacked out in 2007 more than any other previous years. Cheers!

2007 also held another first for us. More broken promises. Our lack of follow-through in 2007 was simply astounding. By checking our voicemail I can count 13 unreturned calls from last week alone. Do the math...thats us avoiding responsibility and work with amazing discipline. Keep it up you!

One great new thing we've noticed about ourself in 2007, was the complete lack of restraint in social settings. We cussed at bosses, parents, waiters, strangers... It was really awesome how we refused to take crap from anyone, anywhere, anytime. Regardless of the consequences, we made it known how we felt. Social tact???? HAHA...thats for suckers.

And last but not least, through all the drinking, drugs, sex, shameless self-promotion, avoidance of work, laziness, etc... we did do one thing exceptionally well.... We always kept it sexy. It may have something to do with all the product we use in our hair, but seriously...we never had a hair out of place in all of 2007. I mean damn....we really looked good.

Good work me.

Keep it up.

Your Lover,


Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Back to Jack

Excuse the lack of blog posts for the past week. I haven't been able to kick this flu and its basically left me with no motivation to blog or do much of anything. Finally today I got back to the gym and had some job interviews, although I still feel pretty crappy. Maybe its the lack of my own bed to crash in, but I'm ready to settle into some sort of routine for a while. Don't get me wrong...I still wouldn't mind taking off to anywhere but here. But reality has set in and I'd like to at least start collecting some sort of paycheck and have a comfortable place to sleep for more than a night or two. Living out of a car can take its toll, although its really only sucked because of this flu...

Fortunately (or unfortunately) it appears that there is a job or two on the horizon and I guess I'll be taking my place among the worker bees and the weekend binge drinkers. I'm not even remotely going to give up on my plans or my dreams...I just need to get my shit together and have a little discipline for a spell. Stranger things have happened.

I guess what I need now is something to keep me occupied (other than work) and something to keep me moving forward. A girlfriend maybe? I can't believe I'm admitting this, but the thought has crossed my mind. Now calm down! I'm not getting married, I just think maybe it would put me in a better mind frame for this period of my life...Ugh...I disgust myelf. Maybe I just need a new hobby. Any suggestions?

I'm fairly sure once this puny, sick feeling passes I'll revert back to the Jack Goes Forth of old. Until then JGF is taking applications for incredibly beautiful women, who drink, crave wildly dysfunctional relationships, like depraved sex acts, know when to keep the jibber jabber down and maintain a daily intake of around 500-600 calories. I'm not asking for much here people...

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

The Doldrums

So I've spent the last two days (and part of today) in a sort of flu-induced stupor. When you spend that much time confined to a bed, in and out of sleep and in a drugged-out haze...theres really only one thing you can do. You think.

Unfortunately my thoughts have tended to be on the negative side for the past few days. I guess the combination of my directionless life and my body getting ravaged by this virus doesn't make for sunny thoughts. Through my haze I've fielded calls from recruiters, jobs, second interviews, etc...But I can barely remember who I spoke with or what was said (Luckily I scribbled some stuff down).

In my "non-sick" day dreams I'm certainly not accepting a new job and finding a new place to live. No, I'm not anywhere near that life. But in my "sick/drugged-out" day dreams though, I find myself thinking very cryptically. Like having dark fantasies about being confined to one place until I die, or unexpectedly becoming a father in the near future, or even treading away in a cubicle until I'm old and wrinkled. I've been uncharacteristically down.... although those moments will generally get followed with some wrinkle of hope and I'll be incredibly euphoric for a spell. (Bi-polar perhaps?!?) Come to think of it I've always resembled a rollar coaster in my emotion and thought process...

For the most part though, I am generally extremely optimistic when it comes to life and situations, but being sick sure has a way of taking the wind out of your sails. Once this BS passes, it is so on.

"As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. Satisfaction is death." -G.B. Shaw

"There is no passion to be found playing small- in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living."-N. Mandela

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Blog Hiatus

Excuse the lack of posts this week. I've contracted this bubonic plague that everyone seems to be getting. Between the bouts of sleep, vomiting, and dizziness, I just can't find the time to post. Check back Thursday morning for some new material. Until then your top priorities should include drinking and hitting on girls with low self esteem. Good night and good luck.

Saturday, February 2, 2008


So I decided to use this Saturday night and spend it with my Mom and my fam at our families river house. I contemplated just spending a few hours here and heading back to catch the Saturday night party fever with pals but my Mom convinced me otherwise. So my river house is basically in the middle of nowhere and my cell phone coverage is spotty to say the least. After about 5 hours of going in and out of service, the little bastard died on me (I left my charger at home). At first I was pissed... What text messages am I missing? What calls? My god, I'm alone with only my thoughts!!!! Noooo!!! This feeling lasted about an hour and finally I got used to being out of the loop and by myself. So the fam and I did dinner, had some drinks and now I'm back at the house, alone, listening to slower music (Radiohead, 3EB, Jens Lekman) and blogging.

Its times like this when I'm alone, slightly tipsy and cut off from friends/women, that I begin to get a little "soft" in my thoughts. I start to remember past girlfriends, I rememer times we spent here at this river house, I wonder what their up to and who they're with nowadays....and mostly... I feel slightly lonely.

These times are rare, due to the fact that I usually keep my body and brain completely over-stimulated w/ drinks, friends, gym, women, pharmaceuticals, fun. But when I do sit down with nothing else on my plate, I get to thinking... What would life be like if I had someone by my side right now? As much as I bash relationships, I do know the "pros" of them. Times like these can be pretty amazing when you're with someone funny and sexy. A deeper level of happiness and sex can certainly be attained when spending "one on one" time with a partner, isolated from society.
hmmmmmmm.... Maybe I should try and find that special little butterfly and start building some meaningful memories.....


But then I remember the feeling of anticipation you get before a crazy night out with friends. I remember the sensation of getting a first kiss from a girl you've been digging for weeks. I remember the rush you get from making a spur of the moment a spontaneous roadtrip to AC, or randomly meeting a new girl on a Tuesday for multiple drinks. The joy that only a free man can feel when he has no idea whats next or what life has in store for him (Thats me---> all the time). I remember the independence and the self-reliance of being single.

I remember hating the routine of a relationship. The constant calls. The assumed "sleep-overs". The interrogations about where you were or what you were doing. The petty jealously. The "being out with a girlfriend and getting vibed by 6 other beautiful women and not being able to do a damn thing" feeling. The sacrifice.

At this point in my life I know which side of the spectrum I fall on. I hate to say NO to relationships because I know there are a lot of girls I will meet and have heavy feelings for and special memories with. I just don't see the need to limit myself or my world in the near future.

People will say, "once you find that right person you will feel differently". I don't agree. Theres to many "right" people out there. I may think someone is right for a month or a year... but guess what? You will always find someone new, and different, and exciting....Someone that will make your heart skip a beat everytime you touch them. There's simply to many women (or men) with great personality traits and wonderful qualities for me to settle this early. I feel like a world class fisherman who goes to the ends of the earth to catch that huge marlin, only to toss it back in once they've caught it. The thrill of the chase is more intoxicating than actually posessing your target.

I do still get lonely.... But when that happens I usually just man up, crank something less gay than Radiohead and wake up the next day ready to attack. Loneliness always passes. Heartbreak always goes away. Another train always comes down the line.

Postscript: I bashed early marriage tonight in front of my family and mentioned that it increases the likelyhood of divorce. My uncle then said something very profound. He said, " Your friends may get divorced at 30, but their lives won't any different from yours....they'll just have different problems." He was right. Its up to every man to make his way through the world, and its up to every man to deal with his own mistakes and his own misfortunes. I guess all I'm trying to say is...Do what makes you happy now. Worry about the the future.
PS II: My aunt told me to grow up and that no one can be like Peter Pan. I said, "well Peter Pan was like Peter Pan". Then she goes..."Hes a fictional character, you're not". I guess shes right, but it still won't deter me from attempting to not grow up.