Thursday, January 31, 2008

Jack is Drunk

(Ed.Note: DRUNK BLOG ALERT, DRUNK BLOG ALERT!!!!!!! Don't continue reading if you can't take misspellings, gratuitous porn or the rants of a psychotic drunken maniac.)

So lets call this free-style drunk blogging.

I started this post with no real subject in mind and more than a few drinks in my sexy body. I have many thoughts swirling through my head at the moment and I feel like these thoughts need to be shared. Let us proceed (in no particular order):

Going out alone with the only purpose of having fun is a great thing. I've been doing this for a long time and it always delivers. A man or women that can comfortably go out alone----> is comfortable in their own skin. MAKE FRIENDS WITH NEW PEOPLE...... its not that hard.

Flirt with people you're interested in. Don't be scared of random dudes or chicks or barbacks or scowling bartenders.... Talk to whomever you want to. If flirting with a girl means getting into a fight, then do it. Don't be the guy or girl who didn't try and sat at the corner of the bar like a chump.

Dress differently. Trust me....its worth getting made fun of by your "boys". Standing out always wins.... Regardless of what the retarded rednecks around you say...

The moment you feel the most UNCOMFORTABLE.... stand strong and act tough. There will be times when you feel completely out of place.... DO NOT show fear. Grin and bear it. Awkard situations are never as bad as they seem.

Music can make or break certain situations or attitudes. Always pump music that gets you amped. Don't pander to the assbbags around you that want to hear Dave Matthews. (Thats right...I said it.)

Always move in for the kiss. Don't hesitate. Oh so she turned her cheek????? Keep trying. The man who waits..... is a pussy. I hear getting the "cheek turn" kinda sucks... I wouldn't know though :)

Stop wasting time. In the words of the Allman Brothers, "Time goes by like hurricanes, and pouring rains...and much faster things...." You can't repeat these days and nights, you can only look back and reminisce. Be happy with how you spent your time.

Forget what you think you know about rules and social interaction. You don't know shit...No one does, especially me!!! Just be yourself, don't falter, and be direct. Fuck the consequences.

and last but certainly not least-----> "Always keep it sexy" -Q from 112 (MTV Cribs)

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Inspiration Station #4

Stephan Jenkins -Lead Singer of the band Third Eye Blind.

The Vitals- Lead Singer of an awesome band that has sold over 8 million records. Has dated many women, most notably, Charlize Theron and Vanessa Carlton. Valedictorian of U Cal-Berkeley (English Lit) after spending most of his childhood with gripping dyslexia.

Why is he so inspirational?

The first and main reason I'm so compelled with his story is that he was already 33 years old when "Semi-Charmed Kind of Life" dropped (don't roll your eyes, I bet you loved that song at some point). He had lived for over a decade in the Lower Haight area of San Francisco, sleeping on floors and subsisting on Top Ramen and the genorosity of friends before he ever made any real money. He was committed to music and his beliefs and was willing to live the destitute/bohemian-type lifestyle well into his 30's. This is a guy with a valedictorian degree from a top university yet he refused to settle down or join a world that he was opposed to.

Second reason (and this is a big one): After hitting it big and becoming famous for his music, brash ideals and attitude, he began dating Charlize Theron. Most of you should be familiar with Charlize, but if not just look at the picture. After dating for over 3 years, she demanded a marriage from him. He refused due to his stance on marriage and the belief that he was "to young to marry". He was approximately 37-38 at the time. This ended the relationship and he went on to date singer Vanessa Carlton (This relationship is also now over).

Why does this inspire me? And why should it inspire you?-

Jenkins refused to let his age or society define his life for him. He could've taken the easy road out of poverty but he refused to live a life that wasn't right for him. He could've married the beautiful actress and lived out his days in Hollywood, but he stuck to his beliefs and his knowledge that theres so much more out there for him to see and experience.
I'd be willing to bet he looks back on his days of living a bohemian lifestyle in the Lower Haight as some of the best times of his life, I'm also certain he remembers Charlize and the great times they had.... But guess what. Life has an infinite number of possibilities and adventures....The only thing to stop you from experiencing them is yourself. He had to know this and he never let himself get tied into the prisons that so many people are in. He is now back on the road touring and in the studio recording. As some of my readers can attest, Third Eye Blind fucking rocks live.

Comfort= Boring

"I was possessed,'' Jenkins said. "People thought I was crazy. I probably was. I'm more quiet inside now. There's that whole thing in Western mythology that for a man to feel good he has to have gone out and slayed a dragon. To some extent, I've done that."

Game Time

My buddys and I play in a local rec league and tonight we have our second basketball game of the season. After getting ran out of the gym last week we have vowed to turn things around....And when a group of slow, decent shooting white guys vows to turn things around.... This is what it looks like:

*Minus the crusty, old school coach of course.

Pay attention kids, heres the greatest moment in sports movie history. I would post the video but I realize hardly anyone wants to waste 4 minutes on a video. Check it out here when you get the chance : This picture alone should suffice for now. Also if you haven't seen Hoosiers do yourself a huge favor and go rent it.

I can't describe the feeling I get when Jimmy Chitwood utters those words (orgasmic?!?) , then they show a speechless Gene Hackman looking at Jimmy like hes a supernatural being. I've watched these closing scenes of Hoosiers maybe 100 times, and I've teared up almost every time. I don't cry over anything.... but fictional Indiana High School basketball.... Thats a different story.

Monday, January 28, 2008

Friday Running Diary!!!

(Ed.Note: Day after day, you have kept clicking on Jackgoesforth. You keep wading through the shitty writing minefield of "inspiration stations" and boring rants about my despisal of the real world. When will this asshole (JGF) finally decide to drop the blog hotness once again??? When will I stop writing about worthless crap that only hippies and extremely lazy people care about????

...That day has finally come. Suit up.... Its time, once again, for a running diary. Grab your foamy hazelnut half-caf lattes, rub one out in the bathroom real quick and like always... tell your boss to go take a walk in rush hour traffic with his or her invisible suit on. The following events took place last Friday. This blogpost is based on a true story.)

(Ed. Note II: Since last Friday was a VERY long day, I will not be describing every single minute of the day or the drunken night that followed. Just the totally kickass minutes from that day....)

9 AM: Begin the day at the gym. Hit the pecs, tri's, and abs. Afterwards I lift my shirt in the mirror to growl at my abs. End result: Eunice Jackson, 79, Deceased- Myocardial Infarction. "Big" Bertha Stevenson, 61, Deceased- Unknown Causes. Gerald Gustoff, 76, Experienced first erection in 11 years- Begins drooling on himself.

9:15 AM: I see the girl who runs the daycare center at the gym. I've noticed her before and decide today is the day I make my move. Shes a bit frumptacular and it looks like shes wearing clown paint. Jack Goes Forth is not deterred. I do my straight-pimpin walk up to her and spit the hot she tells me her name, she scratches her nose with her ring finger, making it obvious she wants none of what I'm pitching at her. The ring finger has got the bling on it so I back down. I still walk away satisfied with myself for hitting on a girl so early in the morning. I'm feeling pretty pumped about this day so far. Rejection breeds success.

skip forward, shower, polish bishop, get my protein load on, skip forward

11 AM: Dressed like a complete hobo and with a nice little 5 o'clock shadow working, I hit my favorite coffee shop. I saunter around for a minute trying to find the ideal place to set up my office. I luck out and sit down in a hot college girl's section. Let the forbidden dance of sex and lattes begin.

High Noon: The caffeine from my large sugar-free vanilla skim latte is starting to kick in. My internet productivity(blogging, emailing, job apps, illegally downloading music/porn) kicks into high gear. I slowly start to flirt with the waitress. I give her the "I'm a wierd, unemployed, eclectic writer" vibe. Shes totally diggin it. Sidenote: I've been playing this unemployed eclectic thing to critical acclaim. Personality and "standing out" trumps status/jobs/money--> all day, every day....if, if, if... you know how to work it. Take notes rich assbags.

2 PM: I'm juiced off two lattes. If you received an email from me during these hours...Well, I was feeling pretty damn good. I'd rather drunkenly email than caffeinate-ly? email. Kids, coffee and sex don't mix.

...I won't elaborate on the waitress any further. Lets leave it at this....its 2 PM on a weekday and I've hit on two women so far. I'm not sure if this is impressive, but I know when I was in the "real world" this would never happen. I can feel the awesomeness surging through my veins. feels good.

...I end up having two weird Braverian beers which I DID NOT pay for. Lets just say they were on the house. :)

2:45 PM: I remember that my Mom gets off work early on Friday. Call her and we decide to meet up for drinks at a local watering hole. (I get my drankin' gene from her side of the family.) Hop in the Altima, pump some Pearl Jam (Corduroy) and speed off to continue drinking with Moms.

3:15: Meet my Mom, Step Dad and best buddy at the bar. We don't take our time and ease into the pool. The next three hours dissolves into a fun, late, drunken lunch. My orders? 1 beer, 4 Beam and Waters (my moms drink of choice), and Nachos. My buddy and I speak about many things Moms should never hear (Luckily my blog has fortified her for this). We also decide to show my parents our tough guy survival skills by hitting on waitresses. Some people have nunchuk skills, and some people can snipe any waitress, anytime. Thats us.

3:15-6 PM Highlights: A waitress fingering a banana for us (Mom was not a witness to this). Me forcing my buddy to consume 5 Crown and Diets (he not a big liquor drinker) . A former flame walking in with her co-workers(6 female teachers...more on this to come). Multiple waitresses helping my buddy and I prove our awesomeness to my Mom. Not having to pay for said drinks due to a cool Step Dad who helped us begin our night right. Thanks.

6:15 PM: Parents leave and its game time. Unfortunately I'm starting to fade although my buddy is just hitting his stride. I convince him to buy shots so I can "wake up". We rip shots of some sort of Bourbon. I feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes. This is about to get ugly.

6:20 PM: Our voices are suddenly 3 octaves higher. The General Manager begins keeping a watchful eye on us.

6:30 PM: The "waitress flirting game" is becoming less of a game and more of an almost certain reality. Again I won't elaborate as to not incriminate myself. I hold up the previously defiled banana.... I liken my banana to the Olympic torch. I do a lap around the table of teachers while holding up my banana.

6:45 PM: We start flirting with the 6 teachers and ex-flame. ALL are either married or engaged. I try to soldier on with a happy face, although I have trouble hiding how disgusted I actually am by this horrible fact. The teachers predictably love my buddy and I... Marriage.... boooooooo. Don't tease us with your hotness married women. Just get it over with and gain 50 pounds.

7:30 PM: I think I'm doing the Soulja Boy dance... memory slowly fades....

Score: Jack-1 Lame Real World-0

Sunday, January 27, 2008

You Can't Fake This

Saturday night I went out with my new roommate/close buddy. We had multiple drinks, hit a few bars, chatted up 9-10 women, etc. It was a pretty conventional and fun night. At one point we were hanging out at a new "hot-spot" , corporate type bar (Think of TGI Fridays without the stench of horrible cologne, fried "macaroni poppers" and old people).
At this point of the night we were pretty deep in the cups and we're standing near the bar speaking with my buddy's sister and her friends. Well... we weren't exactly standing, we were actually dancing our asses off, yelling, smiling, and generally having a complete blast. We were not concerned with people around us, we were not looking around for who was watching us, we were not actively moving around the bar in an effort to speak with women, but we were genuinely enjoying the music and the good company. Remember that I said, "We were not actively moving around the bar in an effort to speak with women." What do you think happened next???

My buddy and I were immediately besieged by two juicy young ladies who saw us from across this HUGE bar and specifically came up to us because they said we were the only ones smiling, dancing and having bona fide fun. We got approached by two good-looking girls and they said they saw us dancing and had to come chat us up...Trust me, we dance like Elaine Benes. It was not our dancing that really brought them over. Infact, a lot of women were approaching us for the simple fact that we were not faking it like the other glossy haired, non-smiling, trying to look cool, assholes who frequented this place. The lesson here is....

Stop caring about what people think or say about you and good things will invariably happen.

I'm 100 % sure that we were annoying some of the other bar patrons with our behavior and boisterousness. I'm 100 % sure that some people were talking shit about us to their friends. I'm also 100 % percent sure that we were chatting up some pretty women, making out with one or two pretty women ("pretty" is open to interpretation) and laughing harder than anyone else there.

People are attracted to enthusiasm. People are attracted to authentic acts. Trying to fake coolness, or trying to be someone you aren't usually doesn't work. Focus on maximizing your own personal enjoyment and happiness. Say what you want and don't water it down. Don't apologize. Sex will follow :)

Friday, January 25, 2008


(Ed. Note: Serious post alert! You probably want to save this post for Monday morning when you'll be depressed anyways.)

I've had this feeling for at least 5-6 months and recently I've noticed that this feeling has been manifesting itself in everything I do, everything I think, everything I see. Its a gnawing feeling and I'm almost certain that its not going anywhere and infact will only continue to enslave my existence. This feeling...or the best word to describe this feeling is:

a strong, innate desire to rove or travel about.

I find myself constantly day-dreaming, sleep-dreaming, conceptualizing, and wondering about the open road. I think about where will I go? What does this life really have in store for me? I feel trapped, chained and at the same time entranced by this plan; this blueprint. All I want is to move about. All day long I plot my escape...

If I work for this amount of time and pay off this debt then I can make it happen... or Heres my time table and heres my month by month plan to get out. I'm constantly thinking about figures and countries and adventure...

It really is absurd how much I think about travel and getting away. Away from what? I don't know. My friends and family are great, I'm back in a wonderful little city where I know a lot of people, jobs are starting to fall into future isn't quite as hazy as it used to be.... But still I yearn to escape.

I understand that many people travel, for weeks, months, even years at a time. People even say, well once you travel for a few weeks you'll get the bug out of your system... "Everyone feels like this at some point." I can appreciate this, but I feel like I want to travel for the rest of my life. I don't feel any urge to ever stop or wait or even find a home to call my own.

This is youth right? Youth.... The time between childhood and maturity. Everyone gets their shot at youth and everyone gets a wicked case of wanderlust.

The thing that really frightens me... if everyone felt like this at some point, why are their so many disillusioned middle-agers? Why didn't they run when they had the chance? and what if I somehow don't get this chance?

I won't let that happen. I can't

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Do Now, Think Later

(Ed.Note: I know this topic gets touched on frequently. But these are the things I think cry me a river.)

I've been building a huge list of books to read, mostly by recommendation. So today after I slept in and had a huge breakfast of Special K Red Berries, I put on my usual unemployed attire of basketball shorts, track-jacket and untied running shoes (yes its 25 degrees here), and spent the next 5 hours at Barnes and Noble drinking lattes, engaging the frumpy mcfrumps who work there with flirtatious banter, and pouring through tons of books. I ended up buying a few that I felt were worthy but this post isn't about my book preferences (which are freakin sweet). No, this post is about something I read in one of the books.

"The problem is that after years of living in the real world, we lose the ability to be ourselves. We become timid, humble, overpolite. Your task is to regain some of your childhood qualities, to root out all this false humility. And the most important quality to recapture is boldness." -Robert Greene

Why do most people act with such timidity? I'm not an expert on this subject but I can say with absolute confidence that acting without hesitation and being completely on the offensive will win more times than it will lose. As much as no one wants to admit it we admire people who are direct, say what they want, sometimes act like assholes(when sober) and go about their business unconcerned with other people's feelings. Most people claim that manners and caring for your fellow man will get you far in life.... and most people live very mundane lives.

This is a very Roosh/Roissy-like story, but it must be told:

About a year and half ago a friend and I started reading the same blogs and books and we decided to make a pact that we would start approaching every girl we see . No matter where the girl was and we preferably had to be semi-sober (although we probably hit on about 60% of them in bars while drinking) were the only rules. I won't bore you with details, but you can guess where I'm going with this. To quote Thoreau, "we met a success unexpected in common hours". By forcing ourselves to be bold and get into situations where we would feel uncomfortable, we ended up doing very well. (This is an on-going experiment for the rest of my life and I'm assuming it is for this guy too:

I guess what I'm trying to say is, who gives a fuck what people think about you? Do what you want and go after who you want. You may get made fun of and you may even get a swift punch in the jaw....but fuck it, you tried, you failed, you are better than all the meek losers who can't pull the trigger. Be crazy shameless and let someone else count the bodies left in your wake.

Don't take this post as advice because I'm constantly working on boldness and breaking free of the boring safe zone everyone resides in. If you want advice or a master's opinion, hit another blog.... Give me 15 more years and I'll break you off some solid advice on boldness...I plan on being an expert by then.

*Do you think the "back in the day" Axl Rose ever asked for permission? For anything? He'd punch you in the teeth just for making eye contact with him. Where'd you go Axe???

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Sticks and Stones

(Ed.Note: I received this letter yesterday. It was unsigned and had no return address. It could be from a number of people; a jilted lover, "a friend", an anonymous stranger, or possibly Helena Christensen (we had a thing). For the readers sake just assume its from someone who I've interacted with in the past. Cool? )
Ed.Note II: This "letter" is clearly fake and full of sarcasm. It was not intended to be a real letter from a real person. I felt like most people could've understood that, but I guess not...

Dear Scumbag (Jack),

I've been reading your blog and it reminds me of you in bed. A complete joke. I've never read such cocky, lamely sarcastic, self-pity bullshit before. You make me sad that I ever started talking to you that day, in that bar. I was so damn drunk and you come up with your little self-effacing personality and your college boy good looks. You're lucky I let you sleep with me that night, and the next, and four weeks later , after having not spoken to me for three and half weeks and having only asked to hang out again by text, at 4 AM.

Why don't you grow up? Get a job like everyone else. I'm tired of reading about you spending your days doing nothing as I sit in an office doing work that a retarded dolphin could do. My friends agree with me that you need to get your shit together and join the world or else...And my friends know a lot, so much so that they pretty much dictate how I live.

Thats right, get in line or you may have to wait until you're 70 to retire. Meanwhile with my work ethic, I'll retire at 65. Unfortunately all of these years of eating like Rosie O'Donnell and "working out" on the stairmaster for 20 minutes a week will have caught up to me, and theres a good chance I'll be near death or wishing I was dead at that point. But I won't be working. No sirree bob.

Don't you listen to your friends? Your parents? They know all the answers Jack! Live your life on other peoples terms you jackass or people may say disrespectful things about you. Words can hurt you know. If you'd start caring about what people said about you... Then you would be unhappy just like my fat ass (Oh I've gained a few pounds....Doesn't every girl when they hit 25?)

Oh and whats with the womanizing??? Find a nice girl and settle down! If you don't find a nice girl soon, they'll all be gone. Thats right, when you hit 30 and you're still single...Fuhgeddabboutit! You're done you geezer. No older man has ever remained single, responsibility-free and happy. Nope. You gotta get divorced at least once by 35 and give up half your shit or you're not livin brotha! Having to ask for permission to drink with longtime friends--->Thats how you should conduct your life. No more going for beers and pizza on a Tuesday. Nope. Tuesday is date night. You sit on the couch, watch American Idol and talk about each other's day. How was your day honey? Its soooooooo much fun, I swear.

And another thing, everyone, including you, should live their life and do their work with their funeral in mind. "What will people say about me when I'm gone?" Thats what you have to keep in mind. Regardless of the fact that when you die, you will have NO idea what people think, and "YOU" will not exist anymore. Stop doing stuff that makes people not like you. As long as people say nice words during your two week grieving period...Well asshole, thats what is important. You WIN if people like you after you die. Its true.

In conclusion. I hate you. If I see you out at a bar I may not even speak to you...well I might not speak with you. I'm not gonna let you just follow me home again and sleep with me! Not again...Unless you're particularily charming that night, like you usually are when I'm drunk...But you got a slim chance buddy...a slim chance.

PS. I'll be at Tiki Bob's on Friday at 6. I mean I don't want to see you, but I just thought you should know... Just incase you're in the neighborhood and want a couple drinks...or something.

With fleeting hatred,


* Contrary to popular belief Jack Goes Forth can still be hurt by sticks, stones and in this case, a beer bottle. Words still fail to hurt him though.

I'll save the story behind this photo for a time when I'm drunk-blogging. There will be blood.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Two Roads Diverged in a Wood...

(Ed. Note: So its Sunday night and I'm back from Charlotte. Nothing worth blog noting really went down this weekend. If something that was progressively awesome actually went down, rest assured, Jack Goes Forth would share the goods. So instead I'm going to drop a fantastically grandiose blogpost about....well basically its about the usual convoluted "life" BS I throw down on Microsoft Word. So go ahead and grab your Grande Sugar Free Vanilla Skim Lattes, downsize any so-called "work" documents, tell the boss you got a case of the Mondays and to fuck off, read the post , comment, and remember that I'm still happily sleeping.)

I speak with so many friends and assorted people near my age(23-30) about the concepts of happiness and life. The explanations and answers I get are sometimes mind-blowing, sometimes non-existant, and most of the time they're confused ramblings in the classic JGF style. The only real pattern to the responses I see is that no two responses are exactly alike.

The outlets for what can make a kid (23-30) feel complete or happy are many. Theres work, friends, drink, relationships, marriage, church, family, sex, drugs, music, travel, etc. Most people look to a combination of these things and through that combo they find their peace and they make their way through life. I'm no different, as I have opinions and I have "like's", and I strive to find a happiness through my personal preferences. While I may bash other people's choices in life, I certainly don't try and insult people or their way of living. People have to make their own mistakes (I'm personally learning this all to well) and in my eyes, early marriage and sticking to jobs you hate or for money are mistakes, but they're mistakes each individual has to make on their own terms. This blog is one man's opinion, not a readers personal life advocate.

The one thing that I really find disconcerting though, is that while people all have different preferences and different things that make them happy, most people (98%) all follow the same exact path, and the same exact maxims as everyone else. They think that getting married is an automatic path to happiness. They believe that if you work your ass off for 45 years, take two weeks a year to relax, and stay on the beaten path, you will ultimately retire and ultimately be happy. Now I don't sit here and proclaim to know all, but is this really the blueprint for a happy life???

Grab ten 40 somethings off of a street in Anytown, USA. Ask them about their lives. What will you hear? What do you hear from a majority of honest adults when they speak about their life? I bet you hear some of the same things:

"Well I can't stand my boss and the job is a pain, but its work....Gotta pay them bills."

"My kid starts college in the fall. Now me and the wife are just trying to figure out how we're gonna pay for it."

"I need to start eating healthy and going to the gym. I'm fat...but with my schedule...its so difficult."

"I just remarried last fall. This is number three, but I know where I messed up the first coupula go rounds....Its so much different now."

"My best buddy from college lives in Oklahoma, I think....We haven't spoke for years. Who has the time?"

You may not hear these exact phrases, but I guarantee you hear some variations of these. The funny thing is, we hear these same complaints everyday and over time we don't even realize we hear them. When someone who has little real responsibility (kid, wife, mortgage, service tour in Iraq) hears these types of horror stories, we just shrug it off. Why? We just don't ever assume that we will be in their shoes.

Now I already realize what the skeptics will say, "Jack, the point of going through these types of hardships is to take care of the true happiness in life, family and children." I understand this argument and I don't refute the fact that family and friends should be paramount to one's happiness. I just don't see why someone would volunteer their youth and physical health so early in life, to enter these types of prisons.

I'm not advocating that everyone strip off their chains and clothes to run wildly into the unknown (my ultimate dream and goal.) All I'm saying is, don't listen to married people, or older people, or people who stay in one place their entire lives...People who claim they know all there is to know about life. If someone has been on this earth longer than you do they automatically know more about living? In some cases yes, in a lot of cases...HELL No. There is NO blueprint for life and its time for a few of the sheep in this pasture to come to that realization. How you ask??? How can one break free from this crapstream of car payments, work, shitty relationships, etc???? Ha, I don't have a single feasible way out! Yet! .... But I'm ready to make a leap into that unknown.... Just gotta find the right river.

Two Robert Frost inspirational lines for you...

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-(The Road Not Taken)

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

-(Stopping By Woods On a Snowy Evening)

Friday, January 18, 2008

Party and Bullshit

Expect a brief blog hiatus as I'll livin it up in Charlotte NC for the weekend. For some reason the party began last night though....ugh.
For my NC readers, if you exist... Its high time we had a few drinks.
See you all Sunday with some fresh blogging material, a new tattoo, minus a few hundred brain cells , and some cool new STD's... Just joking Mom...I swear

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

High Fidelity and the Backslide

Ed.Note: If you don't like blog posts about sex...ahem, certain readers.... Do not continue on.

In my “quest” for enlightenment, or something called “employment”, I’ve gotten the chance to do a lot of TV watching. I’m not a Cable TV fan , but I have to do something to kill the time between hanging with Moms, sleeping, gym, drinking, and trolling for women. In my daytime TV travails I’ve been watching A LOT of crap. I blame my buddy, his big screen and his 500 channels. Movies watched from beginning to end in the past week and a half include, but are not limited to, How Stella Got Her Groove Back , Memoirs Of An Invisible Man, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and the lone bright spot in this shit-movie minefield, High Fidelity.

High Fidelity Quick Synopsis:
Rob (a classic John Cusack) gets ditched (yet again) by his current female-thing. This catalysts a sordid self examinatory process about all of his failed relationships. It's centered around his record shop, and colored by his two socially inadequate assistants (Jack Black and Todd Louiso)

For anyone who hasn’t seen High Fidelity, just do it. Its clever, witty and was filmed back when Jack Black was still funny. Just wait though, this post isn’t about glorifying this movie or any of the amazing movies John Cusack has made (Better Off Dead, One Crazy Summer, Grosse Pointe Blank, to name a few), instead this post is here to examine the concept of “back-sliding.”

Backslide: To revert to sin or wrongdoing.

While the movie is hilarious and rings true in many ways, John Cusack’s character is essentially a complete and utter bitch. He whines about past break-ups, he obsesses over women, he asks his recent ex if the sex with her new lover is better. He does every un-manly thing in the book. He is the definition of a beta male. I won’t ruin the movie but he eventually commits the sin of back-sliding with an ex. That is, hooking up with an ex, and I don't mean reuniting or getting back together...I mean doin the freaky-deaky. The movie isn’t really about backsliding…but it gots this ol’ boy thinking.

Who hasn’t committed a backslide??? If one person can honestly say that they have never backslid, then they are either a virgin, or had their genitalia mutilated right after their first major break up. A study released by the NAWWHI (National Association of Weak-Willed, Horny Individuals) , says that a backslide occurs every 3.4 seconds in America alone. (um…, real fact.) So you’ve experienced great sex and great intimacy with another person and now you’re lonely and want to experience it again…even if only for one night. I’m not criticizing you, because yes....your innocent, fresh-faced blogger, JGF, has committed the backslide. Infact I’ve been backsliding since you were in diapers (if you’re 12 years old). Admittedly this is a beta trait and I make every effort to avoid it and meet new, strange, beautiful women, but anyone who tells you they close strange booty every time out on the mound, if not named Roissy, is lying.

I have needs dammit! I get drunk and I send the booty text. I know the sex will be decent, good, and/or great. Then afterwards I can be a complete asshole and it’s not really a big surprise because they have already seen that side of Jack. The barren, cold, indifferent, bastard, robot Jack. In fact I can kick them out immediately…after the tears, arguments, “you dickhead!”, yada yada..…After the 5 minutes of fury, I’m stretched out in my bed, alone, with a smile on my face.

Sidenote: Is there a better feeling than diving under the covers, alone, right after sex? I think I’m starting to understand why some couples have separate beds.

Another Sidenote: The backslide/kick-out maneuver means avoiding the wet spot!!! …ummm, that is if someone was sweating during sex. :)

I’d like to stand up here on my pedestal and start a revolution…I’d like to say, lets put a STOP to re-sleeping with ex’s! Lets STOP obsessing over past lovers! Lets STOP being bitches, and START being men. But lets face it…Sex is fun, sex is great, me like more than masterbate (most of the time).

Starting today I will stop backsliding. I can already tell that this will be an awful and ultimately fruitless experiment.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The State Of Jack Address

* Me. On a Tueday. At 2 PM.

Well since starting this blog (only two weeks ago!) my life has taken a few turns. My decision two weeks ago to start LIVING life and not just surviving life is still very much my go-to guy. The plan was to bartend/serve/ and play guitar hero on the street corner to make ends meet for awhile. While romantic and noble, this plan quite frankly sucked my ass. Believe it or not, unless you have a really money bartending gig... paying a rent and bills equivalent to a 60K salary becomes a lot tougher when that bi-weekly paycheck isn't coming in. I know that I dug myself into this hole by spending above my means, and it doesn't make me a happy boy... Unfortunately I wasn't able to find a gig quickly enough and I decided to make a few life changes.

The big change is that I moved back to Richmond Virginia. Thats right, the capital of the confederacy, the river city, hot daisy duke redneck chicks, higher obesity rates, less public transportation, more drinking and driving, etc.......

Currently I'm living out of my car and crashing at my best buddy's place. I'm fortunate to have good friends and family here and quite honestly, I had missed our usual drunken shenanigans (which were on full display this past weekend.) The most fun I've had thus far in life, even above drugs and sex, involves drinking/and hanging tough with my Richmond friends.

I'll miss DC and I'll miss the friends I made there, but I decided to clean up the mess I call life and the only way to start was to go back home. I'm still looking for a cool bartending gig, but as much as I hate to say it, I've begun interviews for some medical/pharma/construction sales jobs. While I'm becoming a slacker-extrordinaire, I do have some marketable skills and a boatload of charm which can easily translate into a job.

I STILL don't want back in the 9 to 5, in-office, corporate suck-bag that was my life. But I'm starting to think that I'm going to have to go back to outside sales or some sort of real job. Not being a hobo/ ultimate slacker is totally going against everything this blog stands for!! I know I know I know... But unless a supe- rich benefactor suddenly appears, I may not have a choice. I still want to travel, drink, fuck, and be merry everyday, all-day... But bills and student loans have to be taken care off. While I'll probably score a high paying outside sales job soon, I want you to know, I will not change. I'm against the normal progression of life...I'm against marriage...I'm against sex with condoms...(wait...huh?) I'm pro-awesomeness and anti-settlingdownness.... I will hopefully find a way out.... But at 24, I need some time.

Fellow blogger was able to save money through anti-materialism and being smart. This has allowed him to currently be exploring South America and molding his world with a spackel of excitement (minus the bats). Before I started to become enlightened, I had very poor spending habits...I regret it now, but I also know what I have to do to regain control....

Some Random Thoughts:

  • I've realized a few things about women since I've moved back from DC. There are indeed more women in DC than in Richmond, but since hitting the bars here for the past 5-6 nights, I've also come to the conclusion that Richmond has hotter girls than DC. Ok, maybe not the international, exotic type of girls, but in terms of hot white girl poon, Richmond wins. Southern chicks rule.

  • Also since I had been working so hard in DC to refine my game and crank it up to 11, with much success I might add....I've noticed that its so much easier in Richmond now. Maybe its because DC girls get hit on more due to the urban sprawl and Richmond girls just aren't used to it... Maybe its because being umemployed has taught me to forget my pride and just do whatever the hell I feel like.... I'm not sure, but all of sudden its like fishing with dynamite out there. Of course I've always felt like this, but apparently the dynamite has gotten much more powerful.

  • Everyone is getting engaged!!!! I'm not going to completely bash it(this post) but you know how I feel about it. Congrats to my friends. I'm happy for you....but more happy for me because I intend on using your weddings as springboards to drunkenness and scoring with desperate women. Infact I'm going to devote an entire running diary to a "fake" wedding in the near future, so read it and pretend its actually your wedding (then consider de-inviting me...ha).

  • My new roommate and I realized how amazingly cool and tough we were last night. I mean, we already knew it, but its always nice to get some feedback. FYI, we will continue to out-drink, out-party, out-sexify and generally be much more awesome than everyone else. If you want to join us, we start our Saturdays at noon, at Hooters, with the pedal to the metal. I'm usually still standing by 2 AM...others... um... weren't so lucky :)

  • I'm still not completely sure which direction I want to take this blog. Some days I feel like being an ass, some days I feel like dropping some intellect, and some days I'll just write whatever comes to mind. I'm working on formulating some sort of weekly schedule... Example: Fridays: The Hangover Edition. Movie Life Lesson Mondays. Sexual Chocolate Saturdays. These probably won't be the real titles, but you get the idea. Look for some changes in the next few weeks.

“Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the phoenix.” -Christina Baldwin

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Ideas For 08'

Dance more. I'm tall, white and dance like an autistic monkey...But breaking it down at least once a day (even by myself) is good for the soul.

Start a letter writing campaign to The Stroke's frontman Julian Casablancas and convince him to at least make the effort to release a new album this year. You may be the greatest hipster band ever, but until one of you dies prematurely, or you really begin abusing substances(again)... Your immortality is not a given. Plus we want more new music. Same goes for D'Angelo and Maxwell.

Doing away with voicemail. Voicemail sucks and I'm assuming you all hate checking VM's as much as I do. If its important, I'm probably not the man to call anyways...but if so, text me....Its 2008 and I'm young. Get with the game.

More drunken make outs in bars with hot girls who just scrubbed the "X's" off their hands and are very young (but still legal of course). This is more of a personal idea, but I recommend it to all of my male readers.

Dirty talk, roleplaying, degradation, sharing a cup, etc....Mix it up. Its for your own good.

Start staring at people, and I don't mean just girls. Stare at anyone and everyone. The results may not always be favorable, but your life will get more interesting. If staring at girls, try and have a perverted smirk on your face and blink uncontrollably. Chicks love this.

Start looking for fights. If you follow the above advice, this should be easy. When fights do occur, never ever ever fight fair. Eye gouging and the dreaded "reverse two-finger ball jab" tend to work well. Cheap shots are also very effective.

More Caffeine. Your body eventually gets used to the daily coffee and daily Diet Cokes. You could take a week off and give your a body a break in an effort to lower your body's tolerance to caffeine.....or....You could drastically increase your caffeine intake and become a permenantly shaky-handed nutjob. Try the latter. Its easier.
Hit the gym. To many benefits to list...

Stop talking about your upcoming marriage and the arrangements and the locations and the blah blah fucking blah.... There is nothing as annoying as hearing some past her prime 30- something blabber on about finally tricking some dude into entering prison, umm I mean... holy matrimony. Other women have even confided in me that they also don't want to hear about it.

More hitting on the opposite sex. No matter the outcome...Just do it. Its fun and if done properly or done enough, you will have "relations" with many women and/or men.

Be more family oriented. Their there for me...Its time for me to be there for them.

Get your drink on. Listening to the "medical professionals" that say heavy alcohol consumption is bad for you is a big mistake. I undertook a heavy drinking regimen 8 years ago in a effort to disprove the "studies" and "facts" about drinking. Guess what? I have successfully proven everyone wrong. Belly up the bar soldier.

Try to incorporate more water balloons into your life.

When the street sign says "Don't Walk"....Walk. The world will appreciate it. :)

Inspiration Station #3

Watch your feet cause Henry Miller is about to drop some serious knowledge....

(Due to hangover and football, I didn't feel like dropping my own knowledge today so I've compiled some quotes from my favorite author, Henry Miller. If you haven't heard of Miller or read any of Miller's work....Go pick up Tropic of Cancer...You can thank me later.)

"Life, as it is called, is for most of us one long postponement."

"Example moves the world more than doctrine. The great exemplars are the poets of action, and it makes little difference whether they be forces for good or forces for evil. "

"All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without benefit of experience. "

"If there is to be any peace it will come through being, not having. "
"The ordinary man is involved in action, the hero acts. An immense difference."

"It isn't the oceans which cut us off from the world - it's the American way of looking at things. "

"One of the reasons why so few of us ever act, instead of react, is because we are continually stifling our deepest impulses. "

"The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware. "
"The man who looks for security, even in the mind, is like a man who would chop off his limbs in order to have artificial ones which will give him no pain or trouble. "
"All I ask of life, is a bunch of books, a bunch of dreams, and a bunch of cunt. "
(ed.note: Don't read Miller if you can't handle discussions of a graphic nature.)
"When one is trying to do something beyond his known powers it is useless to seek the approval of friends. Friends are at their best in moments of defeat."

"Why are we so full of restraint? Why do we not give in all directions? Is it fear of losing ourselves? Until we do lose ourselves there is no hope of finding ourselves. "

Friday, January 11, 2008

Mission Statement

(Ed.Note: Post written at 4 AM on Saturday, so needless to few drinks had been consumed.)

So I've soldiered on with my blog, although I've been getting some negative feedback. The complaints run the complete gamut of BS....

You're just a selfish young don't know shit about life.

This blog is just a way for you to be lazy and not have a "real" life/job.

You will never keep this up and it will end shortly.

Where did these views come from? You have never acted like this....

You're an attention whore.

Find a job and stop complaining.....

Heres my responses to the people who feel they need to criticize me....

Everyone is entitled to their own life and to make their own decisions. I may say that living a cookie cutter life, strapping into a thankless job, and settling down for 40 years is wrong.... but guess what??? Do whatever the fuck you want. If it offends you that I'm criticizing a "normal" way of life....then don't read my awesome musings about life.

*YOU: "I flipped through catalogs and wondered: What kind of dining set defines me as a person? "

I didn't start blogging to piss people off or to tell people how to live. I wanted to start writing more and I wanted to put this period of my life into words. I have opinions that I think I want to live by and that think I feel strongly about.... I also know that I can write and I wanted to prove it to myself. This is not an entertainment blog.

I have no fucking idea whats going to happen to me. Maybe I become a world class slacker and find a way to live out my days without joining the miserable rat race.... Maybe I fall into another "strait-jacket" of a job and continue on like every other identical cog in this big meat grinder.... I don't know.

If I had a better idea of where this life was heading, then I wouldn't be blogging..... I'd be saving money and trying to get locked into a 30 year mortgage on a "big coffin" or what some people call a "house".

I wake up now and I'm genuinely excited and I'm ready to see what lies ahead.....I haven't been able to say that, in at least a year. I'm also scared to death and I wonder if I'm fucking my life and my "resume" up. The awesome thing about this period is= I feel good...(and I knew that I would now) Thats my goal..... HAPPY happy..... not money... not love... not a house in the suburbs... not any of the other BS that I've always been told I need to strive for.

I'm like a turtle right now, a sexy ass turtle. Moving slow and steady towards something that is much greater than you or I. I don't know what that is, but the journey has started...albeit very slowly :( MANY , many, many of life's little logistical nightmares must be slogged through first. grrrr. I'm moving my feet though.

For some reason this pisses some people off..... I think it does that because 99 % of people are programed to live out there days in a certain pattern. They see someone who doesn't want to follow the mold and they immediately begin to piss and moan. They see me making an attempt to change myself and they take it as an insult to their lameass lives.....(My attempt has not been successful yet and it may never be.... but.... we'll see. The means that it takes to change, sometimes makes actually changing, difficult.)

I like the criticism because I know its making people think. I want more feedback.... I don't care if its all bad.... It only motivates me to continue writing.

How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.-- Someone

“[U]ntil the day when God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words,—‘Wait and hope.’”- Edmund Dantes(Count of Monte Cristo)

Thursday, January 10, 2008

FUNemployment Running Diary

The following is a description of a day in the life of Jack. An unemployed, 24 year old.

7:45: Wake up to my phone beeping and a text message. I can barely lift my head due to a massive headache and a case of the "spins". I'm at "someone's"(not gonna name names!!!!) apartment, not my own (because I'm currently squatting and do not have an apartment). I begin having fuzzy flashbacks of the night before... Mulitple bars, many Guinnesses, Miller Lites, and fruity, girly shots(not my choice). My mouth is like a dry pit of rat feces.

7:50: Get out of bed and stumble around the room trying to find my belongings. Keys: check. Wallet: check. Say goodbye...."I gotta bounce and go vomit in an alley somewhere, I'll call you soon." Short, eloquent.... thats my style.

7:52: Pimp walk to my ride with my eyes barely open and my head cocked at a weird angle in an effort to keep my headache at bay. Get in car and immediately grab CD's. Pick the "Rap Mix #6". Put it on number 2 and Ice Cube's, Today Was a Good Day blasts from my factory Nissan sound system. Even hungover, I bob my head and do a cigarette point at some hobos on the corner. The weather is nice so my windows are down and I'm letting everyone know how cool and tough I am by blasting gangsta rap.

8:05: Spot McDonalds! Hit the drive in and reward my awesomeness with a #10: The new Sausage Burrito, Hash brown and a Diet Coke(gotta keep it sexy).

8:10: Call a few "working" buddys and let them know how awesome my life is. End up getting burrito "sauce" all over myself as I try to drive, eat and talk at the same time.

8:30-10: Blow up my air mattress in my bud's living room and pass back out for a spell. Take three advil beforehand so hopefully when I wake up I'll be able to form complete sentences.

10:05: Phone blows up. Its a recruiter. I have a phone interview tomorrow for a job. Bad Ass. I'm so f-in awesome today that I gots people finding jobs for me. This makes me feel good about myself so I decide to reward myself with more sleep.

10:10- 10:50: Sleep.

10:55: Wake up and apply to a few more jobs on monster, hotjobs and career builder. Puttin in work son.

11:00: I continue to feel like I got yoked in the forehead last night. I decide to hit the gym, although not to workout. This hangover is so severe that its calling for a mean visit to the steam room. Gotta get the lead out baby.
11:15: Hit gym and do three sets of 12 pullups. I'm whiped. Better hit the steam room.

11:20-11:45: Alternate between the steam room and sauna until I've sweat out a few gallons of poison. Luckily the gym is dead and I manage to avoid any old man pean and/or ballsack. I begin to get paranoid in the steam room because of all the fungus ridden old people that inhabit that space. Decide to hit the showers.
12:15: Hit my Mom's place for a free lunch. One huge turkey and swiss sandwhich, a monster bowl of Special K Vanilla and Almonds and three bottles of water. Wash everything down with some OJ. I feel slightly better.

12:30-1:30: Half heartedly search the internet for jobs and apply to some. My buddy's cable TV and thousands of channels begin to distract me. (I know that you know that I'm against Cable TV, but sometimes, when hungover.... well... whatever.) I begin to watch the entire first season of Flight of the Conchords. I consider re-inflating my air mattress and catching a nap, but decide instead to just lounge on the couch with my comforter.

1:30-4:00 PM: Continue to text "working" stiffs and make fun of them. Make some ramen noodles (with the new cooking method..thanks J). Consider hitting the streets and continuing a search for a "fun" job to pay bills until I get a "real" job...But...The overcast skies and rapidly dropping temperatures kill that plan. Tomorrow will be a better day for that :)

4:15: My head is still pounding. I raid my buddys cabinets and take three more advil. I'm now on episode 7 of Flight of the Conchords. I think of my old life and how I would be staring at the clock in the office just praying for time to speed up while at the same time having someone screen any calls from my boss in NYC. I shudder thinking about that hell, then I laugh maniacally thinking about how happy I am now. I'm quite thirsty.

4:30: Hit the local Sheetz (gas station/eatery) for Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi and some tostitos. Consider hitting on some chicks in Sheetz, but they look really young. I draw the line at seniors in high school. Instead of hitting on them, I give them a fierce Zoolander/Blue Steel look as I walk out to my car. I assume that they immediately begin talking about me when I leave and saying how awesome, cool and/or badass I am.

5:00: Call Mom and ask if she wants to treat me to Outback for the third time in four nights. No luck. I decide instead to gorge myself on tostitos and ramen.

6:00: Buddy gets home from work and finds me shirtless, sprawled out on his favorite couch, TV blasting, porn on my labtop and covered in tostitos. We proceed to spend an hour talking about our other friends and making fun of them. Pretty standard stuff.

7:30: As its not Friday, my buddy decides he will stay in tonight. I consider going out for a drink but then realize that my body can't handle it right now. Continue drinking Diet Pepsi and being awesome. Mention to my buddy that the girls better watch out tommorow night, cause a rested Jack, is a dangerous Jack.

8-Midnight: TV, blogging, internet, some job searching. Nothing really fun or awesome. I think about how I can sleep in tomorrow. Awwwww.... I love life.

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Its Business Time

I was speaking with someone, while drunk I'm assuming.... A former co-worker perhaps... And we decided the ultimate test of someones sense of humor=
If you enjoy (and more importantly, understand) the HBO series Flight Of The Conchords, then you have a good sense of humor and at least a small amount of intelligence.

If you don't enjoy FOTC, and you are a man... then you probably are in a long-term relationship (and have been since high school), can only drink 3 beers before getting sloppy, and consider TGI Fridays to be an "awesome" bar.

If you are a women (and don't like FOTC), then I would still consider sleeping with you, but would rule out the possibility of going on a "real" date with you. Drinking heavily by ourselves would not be considered a "real" date, and would be the only way I could tolerate your lameness.

These are facts and not opinions... Please use this guide when considering bringing new friends into your circle, and when considering doing the sexy with a member of the opposite sex (for the second time, as the first time you sleep with them, I'm assuming you will be already be black-out drunk and incapable of applying this fool-proof formula.)
*Check out the show before you criticize this post. You will understand once you have seen all 10 episodes of the first season. (On HBO On Demand.)

Monday, January 7, 2008


99% of the time, Jack Goes Forth is a Brutally Freezing, Stone Cold, Lead Pipe, Emotionless, Cyborg when it comes to women and relationships. There is that 1 % of the time though when even JGF will catch feelings, or have a passing moment of sadness.

Its inherent in every human being on the planet to get crushes, to have their heart stomped on, to get jealous, etc. My 99/1 % ratio is admitedly, a bit on the high side. (I clock the average beta male's ratio at around 25% robot, 75% lovesick puppy. Average female--- 3 % robot, 97 % crying trainwreck.)

There was a time when I had feelings though. Certain people who knew me in college can attest to this, but even then, my coldness level was something most men can only aspire to reach. Why should someone close themselves off like this? Isn't feeling the emotions that come with love and heartache one of life's greatest experiences?

Yes and No. Being a hedonist I do strive to experience all that life can offer and the ultimate highs and lows of love are exhilarating. But do I want to get my heart ripped to shreads??? Of course not.

I would ultimately never say never to love and marriage (Hookers eventually will get too pricey), but watching people my age and in their twenties commit to something that says, "you are with one person for the rest of your life," makes my stomach turn.

I know the awesome feeling of a super-strong crush and having that person reciprocate those feelings. I know the amazing highs of those first few months of endless sex and wonderful conversation. Its one of life's sweetest joys...

I also know the feeling of being completely annoyed with someone. The feeling that if she tries to sing along to another fucking song, I may bash her brains all over the passenger side window with my ipod--feeling. (whoa, psycho Jack coming out)

Why settle down this early? You will have many amazing experiences with many amazing women( or men). You will have a bottle of wine with a mysterious, beautiful French woman under the Effiel Tower. You might meet a girl named Cookie in an ice cream parlor and proceed to pour soft serve ice cream all over each other during love-making. You could stumble upon your uncle's secret harem and have never-ending group sex with an array of nameless virgins. You may even sleep with more than 4 or 5 women in your entire life!!!!!! "That would be so scandalous" JGF says with dripping sarcasm.

Point of the post.... Live life how you want to live your life. Get married, do whatever. Just pray you don't wake up at 44 and realize you wasted the prime years of your life, going down the wrong road. There WILL NOT be another time around the track.

PS. Whomever correctly gets my "Cookie in an ice cream parlor" reference and posts it in the comments section wins the chance to split a 12 pack of Milwaukee's Best with me. (Reader supplied of course.)

*With the ladies..... Be like this guy.

Sunday, January 6, 2008

Inspiration Station #2

Editors Note: I'm getting a bit sick of my self righteousness too. This will be my last "free society, unsecure future" post for at least a few days. I promise.
It takes a lot of energy to be this lazy :)

"So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man's living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun."— Chris McCandless

Atlantic City Baby.... Atlantic City

Its 3 PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting in the Arlington Panera lazily surfing the internet. I've been trying to think of ways to bring in some extra money and I happen to run across Bally's Atlantic City Homepage. It turns out theres a 275$ poker tourneyment at 8 PM this evening. Hmmmmmm.....

I'm living on breadcrumbs and scrounging for coffeee money already, and the only money I have is basically ear marked for bills, rent, etc.... in other words, its blood money.

So what would a logical, sain person, do in this situation? A smart person would laugh it off as a crazy idea, and continue to be lame and drink coffee until it was time to turn in and get some rest.

But what would Jack do?????? A guy who is slowly losing his marbles by the hour???

Jack would immediately pack up his labtop and jog back to his apartment. On the way to the apartment he would withdraw 350$ from the ATM. Within the span of a half an hour he would be in his car, screaming up I-95, bumping LCD Soundsystem mixed with Tribe Called Quest, and calling everyone he knows while screaming at the top of his lungs. Thats what Jack would do, and thats what Jack did.

I'm not gonna sit here and say that I was the "big winner" in AC, but I will say that it was worth every dime. I had never been to AC and I figured that I may not have the chance for a long time. It was a no-brainer. Well it was a no-brainer for someone whos on the edge of sanity like myself.

I envisioned taking the tourney down and walking with 5 K. Depositing 4 K immediately, then blowing that last grand in some sort of stripper/booze/tattoo/gambling-filled orgy. This didn't happen. Somehow I finished 5th out of 19 and ended up getting half of my original buy back (I was running hot and decided to call a huge All-in with A-10. He had Cowboys. I lost) I then proceeded to hit roulette for awhile and ended up about 100 $ down for the entire trip.

Sidenote: Don't try to "wing" the trip home from Atlantic City. I ended up in Philadelphia at 2:30 AM somehow because I staunchly refuse to ask for directions. (I'm a man baby.)

Anyways, I digress..... The moral of the story is..... two things

1.) Theres nothing wrong with rolling the dice everyonce and awhile. The ultimate highs and lows I experienced last night( could be manic-depressive related), where worth taking an ill-advised trip on a whim. I'd do it again and have no regrets. Will I be able to do this 10 years? 5 years?? Yes I probably will because of my anti-commitment stance.... but you??? the reader??? You probably won't. You're cogs in a big machine that doesn't allow anyone past the age of 33 to do fun stuff without permission.

2.) Nothing will get your blood rolling (other than sex and hard drugs) like putting money that you don't have on the line. I was so intense during the game and so focused because that money was not for gambling. Ok, I know this sounds like a gambling problem.... but its not....(First gambling I've done in about a year) its a living problem. I'm addicted to living and taking chances and finding my own ways of excitement.

Physically I am alive. Morally I am free. The world which I have departed is a menagerie. The dawn is breaking on a new world, a jungle world in which the lean spirits roam with sharp claws. If I am a hyena I am a lean and hungry one: I go forth to fatten myself. - Henry Miller (Tropic of Cancer)

Friday, January 4, 2008

My "Cocktail" Lifestyle Fantasy

Well I began restaurant work yesterday, or more specifically, server work. It seems that my dream to become Tom Cruise in the movie "Cocktail" will have to wait a little while (hopefully not to long though).

I've never waited tables before, only barbacked(forever) and bartended(briefly) in college. I don't think I'm going to mind serving that much and seeing as how school loans are due, and cell phone bills are due and other stupid bills are due....I don't really have a choice.

I think I'll end up being pretty good at restaurant work (although I did smash a glass all over someone's table on my first run yesterday). The people I work with are nice and the managers seem nice. For a first night I also noticed many many beautiful women frequenting the restaurant, so thats always a good thing.

I'm looking forward to tonight because I can actually go out for drinks after work. Last night I got off at 11:30 and I was to scared to miss the metro home, so I pussied out. A 20 dollar cab fare can put the fear of god in me.

Right after I quit my real job, I had begun romanticising this whole unemployed, server/bartender lifestyle. I'm starting to see that it won't be as beautiful a life as I planned, but I'm resigned to making it work. Reaccuring nightmares of creditors aren't helping anything, but hopefully I am on the right track now. Getting a set schedule and finding my "groove" will help a lot.

Admittedly, I'm in a shitty mood this morning and I woke up thinking, "Why in the hell did I start a blog? I'll never be able to maintain it." But a visit to the gym has lifted my spirits (somewhat) and I will plow on with the blog and make this shit work. Even if I end up in the gutter, I'll wire my blogposts to friends and have them put it up.

"I am steel set now...I follow the call to the glow and the radiance of the heights."- Henrik Ibsen(I think)

Thursday, January 3, 2008

Five Easy Pieces

"Although a brilliant, classical pianist from an intellectual, well-to-do family--Robert Dupea (Nicholson) has made a career out of running from job to job and woman to woman. Presently working in an oil field, Dupea spends most of his free time downing beers, playing poker and being noncommittal with his sexy but witless girlfriend Rayette. But when he is summoned to his father's deathbed, Dupea returns home with Rayette, where he meets and falls for a sophisticated women. No caught between his conflicting lifestyles, the gifted but troubled Dupea must face issues that will change his life forever."

Before I launch into why this movie is amazing, take these factors down. The movie and lead actor both recieved Academy Award nominations in 1970 for the film. It is also considered one of Jack Nicholson's finest performances...ever. The amazing thing about all this is, is that there is very little action or story line to the movie. It doesn't end with any concrete storyline finish (Although the ending is one of the most choking and beautiful endings ever, it certainly answers very few questions for the viewer.) The movie is carried by the simple, varied expressions on Nicholson's face.

His restlessness and lifestyle is never explained and it never needs to be. He is essentially a villian but he almost always comes across as the hero in the story.

I guess the reason it sparked something in me is because I see him as an older version of myself. I see him as a lot of people I know. People who don't know what they want, and people whose only goal in life is to live a life of hedonism. I see flashes of my father in Bobby Dupea, my cousin, my mother, certain friends....

Where does it say that someone has to choose a career and a spouse for life? Where does it say that someone has to stay in one place? Where does it say that a comfortable retirement is the only thing one must strive for???

Maybe its this quarter-life crisis that makes me say these things and maybe thats what is making me challenge these norms that are accepted by society.

I hope its not what I'm going though that makes me think this way though....I want my mindset to stay this way, because I feel something unexplainable happening to me...and it feels good and real and exciting.

PS. Go rent Five Easy Pieces. Whether or not you agree with the film or its messages, it truly is a wonderful piece of filmmaking.

Double PS. Jack Nicholson shacked up with Karen Black, the brilliant pianist, in real life. Although this shouldn't surpirse you as he ended up sleeping with a lot of his co-stars

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Inspiration Station #1

Editors Note: I'm gonna be giving you some sort inspirational post every once and awhile. I tend to live on inspirational quotes and movies. Heres the first installment.

*Final quote from the film, as Red is on the bus going to see his best friend, Andy.

Red: [narrating] I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.

Party and Hangovers

Now that I have no conceivable reason to get up early in the mornings, it has left me in a very tough situation. Is it socially acceptable to drink heavily on any night of the week?

I'm used to the workweek party schedule, which consisted of drinking on Thursday and really drinking on Friday and Saturday. Then my hangover would completely subside sometime on Wednesday and I was good to go again.

I ask this very important question because it is currently Wednesday night and I'm sitting in Panera Bread at the Ballston Mall. I see the steady stream of young people coming and going from Rock Bottom Brewery, and I think, "what reason do I have to not go over for a beer or six?"

I start restaurant work tomorrow, but not until 4 o'clock. 4 O CLOCK! I can sleep until whenever. Its quite the feeling. So work isn't an excuse. Infact I will soon be hanging out exclusively with industry people and having vastly different hours from the so-called "real world".

My health is top notch. So much so, that I have voluntarily given up health insurance. Okay, maybe not voluntarily, but whatever. I'm in the gym daily and when in said gym, I'm a beast. So health and weight concerns play no role in this decision. I understand that they will eventually, but not now, not at 24.

My body clock will need to adjust to these vampire-like hours, but the only way to do that is to start staying up later. Right?

Hmmmmm....I'm starting to get a thirst for 1 dollar beers and drunk white women.

I know what your thinking. This stupid 24 year old kid wants to party every night and he doesn't understand the consequences. He will shortly tire of this lifestyle....

Oh dear're an idiot. I understand the service industry lifestyle better than most service industry workers. I somehow survived my first three years out of college as a liquor rep and believe me, when you have an expense account to drink from the age of 21 to 23, you party.....hard. Unfortunately in that position I had to get up in the morning and work.

Jack Big Life Mistake # 38: Leaving my liquor rep job for soulless corporate mind-sucking job in DC. (Thats another story though)

So whats a sexy young thang to do???? I've decided to forgo drinks tonight. Making a good impression on the first day of work is more important than trying to bang white soriority girls two years past their prime on a Wednesday (most of the time). sidenote: I keep calling these girls white, when in fact I'm also white. Doesn't make sense, I know. Just wanted to clarify that.

One other thing worth asking.... Why is it, that I could drink like a sailor at 20 and wake up feeling fresh, and now I'm in much better shape and I can barely have a glass of Pinot Noir without having a major headache the next day? Tell me why this is????

I miss college sometimes.

Cable TV......Sucks It

Another Editors Note: There has been a high number of posts today because my brain has exploded with ideas and I'm having trouble keeping any coherent thoughts in my head. DO NOT expect this pace to continue.

I'm done with cable TV! I've come to this decision for a variety of reasons.

1.) I quit my job and can barely afford Starbucks. So cable was an expendable item in my budget.

2.) My TV watching was taking over my life. I had at least 6 programs that I hated to miss (Man v. Wild, Nip/Tuck, How I Met Your Mother, Southpark, Duke Basketball games, and 8 Seinfeld reruns a day.) Did I really need to watch all this? Isn't there a better way I can spend my free time? Of course there is. (Also I can now watch all Southpark episodes at!...for free)

3.) Books and exercising. Both are great things. I now devote more free time to each activity. Making myself more awesome through DOING, and not WATCHING, is a good thing.

4.) I wasn't really gleaming much from Cable in terms of conversation pieces. I can get just as much from the internet and newspapers. I can stay in touch with the world by surfing the internet (the free internet at Panera or any DC area coffeeshop).

5.) I'm really into music and quite honestly, MTV and VH1 have nothing to do with music anymore. They both exclusively play reality programs and I'm done with that reality bullshit all together. I can keep up to date with music by internet, going out, talking to people at bars, going to shows and simply listening to the radio.

..In conclusion, I have taken one small step toward living a more spartan, minimalist lifestyle. This makes me happy.

The Makings of a First Rate Scoundrel

Editors Note: This post has been removed by request. There is only one person who could possibly ask me to remove a post. She asked and due to her undying love and support...I complied.

My man-whoring doesn't go over that well with some people.

Don't think that I will be watering anything else down though. Cause that shit wont happen.

Picture, Entertainment, Color Update.

I'm still learning the intricacies of blogspot and once I've taught myself in the way of the blogger, I will make the site more aesthetically pleasing, more colorful and also adding pictures/videos that relate to the posts. (My first post is supposed to have a picture of a bloody Ed Norton (Fight Club) being escorted out of his office by security after he beats himself up in front of the boss).

Just imagine awesome pictures for now.

Blog Promises or Possible Blog Lies

The Blog: Whats its purpose? Why air my dirty laundry? What the hell am I going to talk about? Does blogger = loser???

All good questions and quite honestly I don’t have many answers.

I know that I like to write and I need to get started by putting stuff down on paper(or Microsoft Word). I know that I have a lot of ideas and I know that I need something to devote my time to as I sit in coffee shops, surf the internet and stare at beautiful women. I also know that my life is changing for the better, and I need to get all the crap in my head on paper before my brain becomes to diluted with Bud Select and shots of Stoli.

My plan is for this blog to be a written history of my transition from career-oriented, cookie-cutter 24 year old—to a Pursuing What Makes Me Happy-- 24 year old. I’ll basically talk about whatever comes to my mind, my actions, good stories(don’t worry…I won’t name names!...maybe!), music, food, alcohol and whatever topics I feel like writing about.

I make these promises in regards to the blog…

-->I will post a minimum of three times a week, although I’m aiming for 5-6. I’m not sure what my schedule will look like as I re-enter the service industry, but I know I’ll have the time to write. Blog posts will range from completely, mind-blowingly awesome….to mundane, one paragraph semen dribble.

--> I will try and put cool pictures, videos and entertainment up (once I figure out how). Generally I won’t douche the reader with a bunch of crap that I only think is funny…I’ll keep the entertainment related to whatever BS I’m warbling on about in that blog post.

--> I will hold nothing back. I have to let it all go and it may mean fire-bombing the masses at times (sex, drugs and rock n roll will play a big part). Read at your own risk. I live a debaucherous lifestyle and that plays a big part in me and my attitudes towards certain things(like marriage…ugh). I will tell all and hopefully after telling all, people will want to come back and continue reading.

-->I want commenters. I want people to completely trash me and my writing. By airing my dirty laundry I expect that some old friends and some new readers will have opinions and I want to hear them. I’m not going to write for the masses…I’m only going to write for myself and I suspect that I may offend some people. So be it. I realize my Mom or my best friends may read this and not be happy at times….I DON’T CARE….sorry mom.

Jack Goes Forth....But Why????

Its official….my descent into blogging and crippling poverty has begun.

As of 12-27-07 I have quit my “corporate 8-6” job(ok more like 9:30 to 5) and begun my new life. What is my new life you ask? I haven’t really figured that out yet. I know I’ll now be a full-time server at a chic DC eatery (and bartender eventually) to pay the bills, but in terms of what else will change…I don’t know.

I suppose I’ll be sleeping many many more hours. I also figure that my drinking, fornicating and recreational drug use will increase… Although they were all pretty high before, so I’ll really have to focus on kicking more ass in those areas.

One thing that will most definitely change are my stress levels. Getting up every morning and dragging my unmotivated ass to the metro was akin to having someone slowly plunge a butter knife in my stomach (I was developing Ulcers! At 24!). Now I don’t want to sound like a total bitch because the job itself wasn’t that tough and the money was more than I ever expected to make in my twenties. Just the thought that this was it….this was the job I would do for the next 30 years. This was the job that would bring me my first wife, house, child,etc…. That this was my prison...This thought had me ready to dive headfirst into the Orange Line Metro.

No 24 year old should be ready to settle into that lifestyle…or at least not this 24 year old!

So heres my plan, or really, just my idea for life. Before I launch into this plan, I want to credit some sources for this new found inspiration:

Books, including but not limited to-- On The Road, by Jack Kerouac and Tropic of Cancer, Tropic of Capricorn, by Henry Miller. Also I have to credit many of the blogs that I currently frequent, whose ideas, actions and words have started to help me through this transition and also helped cultivate the courage required for the upcoming events in my life. If you read any DC blogs, its pretty obvious who has influenced me. I won’t list any here, but check back and hopefully I’ll have them linked to this site in the near future.

And last, the main motivator to start writing, living, and doing whatever the hell I want…..drum roll please……….. The innate feeling that I was put here on earth for something different. Something other than this cookie cutter life that 99.9 percent of the world has seemingly taken for granted and taken as their lot. This "work hard" for 40 years, while locking oneself into a marriage and child, then retiring to do the only thing your body will allow you to do; golfing with other cripples.( offense pops)

I know that there is something more to life and I have to figure out what the hell it is before I’m old and its too late. In this last soul-suck of a job, I started becoming afraid that everyday I spent behind a desk was a huge waste of my time on earth and putting a huge dent in this lovely period I call youth. I was literally taking my one chance on this earth and throwing it down the shitter by reporting to work and having to put up with a bitter bitch of a boss and do work that was by all standards, meaningless.

Now, you the reader, may be saying…Well Jack, how much happier will you be serving tables and bartending? I agree…Will this make me happy? Maybe it will, maybe it won’t…but it will give me more time to do what I want…I will meet many new people(including women !!! ), and I’ll pay my bills. The last thing I’m thinking about at this point in my life is 401 K’s, my sixties, retiring, settling down!!!….As far as I’m concerned if I make it to 45, penniless and I’ve squandered my life in the pursuit of pleasure…then I’ve won the game, I’ve seen what this world has to offer and I drank it all up with a tequila chaser. If there’s nowhere else to turn at that point, then I’ll end it myself. I can’t (and won’t) look back and have regrets.

If given the chance and hopefully I will be, I plan to travel and see many things that most people will never get to see….Unfortunately I have these nasty little things called bills and school loans that need to get taken care of. Fear not though, I will find a way to get out and about. Not having to go to a horrible corporate gig is freedom enough for the time being. Hoorah!!!!

Only after disaster, can we be resurrected- Tyler Durden