Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Reasons To Go Out On A Tuesday Night

-People who are out on a Tuesday night either don't have a job, or they have a job that allows them to sleep in (like bartender), or they have a 9 to 5 and are just throwing caution to the wind. I've found that in all of these scenarios the likely hood of the girl (or guy) being a hood rat or a "ho fa sho" is very high. If my findings are correct then what should this tell you? It should tell you that the people you meet out on a Tuesday night will immediately follow you to the bathroom, proceed to offer you a bump (that's drug talk, I think), and then have sex with you. Trust me, every single person you meet out tonight will do this.

- The bars are less crowded and bartenders are much more apt to hook up some drinks or shots. Also, bars will often throw insane specials (5 beers for 5 bucks) on an off night like Tuesday in an effort to get more people in. If you ever want to become a regular at a bar or get in good with a bartender, go on a Tuesday or Wednesday, order cheap drinks and then tip like you're not a McDonald's Dollar Menunaire. That is to say, tip HUGE.

- For whatever reason, Tuesday night is Cheap Taco Night in Richmond. Every single bar has cheap tacos on Tuesdays...Even Ruth Chris Steakhouse. This one doesn't need an explanation. Cheap tacos are just as good as pink tacos, if not better.

- Less weekend riff raff. I've been lucky to have a few Fridays off here and there, which I of course use to assault downtown and the fan with epic drinkathons. What I notice, and what everyone else notices on the weekends? The bar crowds sort of blow. It's like New Years Eve or Halloween Night, over and over and over and over. It's like Groundhog Day, but instead of Bill Murray, it's that asshole who reeks of Drakkar Noir and who can't control the volume of his voice. Tuesday night is only professional drunken idiots, no amateurs allowed.


So I'll see you all out tonight. By the by, ladies, watch out for that tall blogging douche bag with spiky hair. I heard he has that new hybrid STD, Syhphaorrealamidia. It's sort of like the new hybrid Cadillac Escalade, only it's really really bad for you and the environment. You don't want that shit...

I'm just kidding. Kids, STD's are no laughing matter. Wrap it up or wait until marriage*.



*Jack Goes Forth loves the kids.

10 comments:

Meade Skelton said...

You know going out to a bar or club is just so dull. There's more to life, I say. I prefer museums and art galleries, and coffee shops. And also Walgreen's!

scottstev said...

I love going out solo in dead times. My favorite thing to do is eat at a bar on like a Weds. or Thurs when the staff is relaxed. Never picked up anyone, but that was never the point.

the one and only ridor said...

meade, i'd rather to barhopping than to stand outside of byrd theater trying to entertain people with this music...

R-

Meade Skelton said...

Somebody is jealous.

Jocelyn Testes-Harder said...

LOL at "Walgreen's!"

Robbie said...

My official policy of "Monday and Wednesday are the new Thursday and Friday" might need to revise Tuesday's status from "The Week's Only Sober Night" to "Drink Somewhere New Night."

Anonymous said...

Here on your blog you have a good voice and are generally funny. However, your dating articles come off as if you are trying to be too wacky.

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Uncyclopedia:How_To_Be_Funny_And_Not_Just_Stupid

That link might just help.

Anonymous said...

Link shrunk to fit here:
http://tinyurl.com/63mpxv

the one and only ridor said...

meade: jealous? please. being deaf, i have no desire to yowl at some byrd theater trying to peddling something like you do.

r-

S. Preston said...

Tuesdays rock!

stool pigeons, which is not even an option on the weekend, is my favorite tuesday spot...$2 Quesadillas and 16 oz Tecate cans. Drunk and full for under $20.