Friday, December 19, 2008

A Quick Jack Rant

Update: An anonymous commenter informed me that Waiterrant.net posted a similar story about old people clogging up super-markets yesterday. I hadn't seen it until after I wrote this, but it's of the same vein. It goes to show that great service industry minds think alike...and that they despise old people.


This is one of those stories that I'm not proud of.

I'm in Ukrops about an hour ago after an afternoon trip to the gym. I'm walking over to pick up my usual lunch (Two BBQ Chicken breasts, small Mediterranean salad, Diet Pepsi) and as I'm about to hit a narrow corridor on my way to the pre-made poultry section, I notice this old lady pushing a cart, going in the same direction. The walkway isn't wide enough for the both of us and since this old lady is moving at the speed of a glacier, I make a hop and a skip right in front of her to ensure that I'm not caught behind her as I go to fetch my lunch. I even glance back and mutter a polite sounding, "excuse me".

Fast forward another 15 minutes. I'm done eating and I get up and throw my trash away. As I'm walking out I decide to check out some freshly baked cookies. So I turn around and I see the old lady, still shopping, still on the verge of death. She's coming towards me this time and it's another narrow walk way. She immediately stops as we near each other and goes , "hummarggrnnn, young man you should know to give me the right of way", in a tone that can best be described as "Grandpa Joe bitching at hippies". I could've just rolled my eyes and kept moving, but nooooo, Jack has to make a scene in Ukrops.

Me: "Lady, you're moving at a snail's pace and unfortunately I don't have 7 hours to spend in Ukrops today."

I didn't wait for her reaction and I made for the exit, sans any cookies.

I respect veterans and I respect the wisdom that the older generations have accrued. But c'mon! Don't they know that in some countries only doing the speed limit while in the left lane is punishable by death? Or that counting out exact change instead of just forking over a larger bill when there are 4 people in line behind you has caused 14 super-market beatdowns in the past year alone??? These are common, unspoken social rules, that apparently, anyone born before 1945 has not ever been privy to.

Is it wrong of me to say that the elderly should not be allowed on the road or amongst the general public?! Is that too much to ask? Don't we have "homes" or something for these people?

Yep, I just punched my ticket to hell.

21 comments:

Kelly said...

First, I agree on the old people thing.. and they seem to cluster in the Ukrops with the rich almighty housewives...and by the way, I will be driving the bus to hell, no need to punch your ticket... just make sure the keg in the back of they bus keeps flowing...happy holidays!! err...Merry Christmas!

Anonymous said...

Um, Waiterrant posted something very similar yesterday...how about an original post?

Jack Goes Forth said...

haven't checked waiterrant in a few weeks, but you know what I just heard? These old people annoy the hell out of young people everywhere. And all this time I just thought this was some local/Richmond VA problem.

That anyone else would write about it is just crazy.

S. Preston Duncan said...

Ah, another reason to avoid Ukrops.

Scott W said...

Right with you on the old people thing...I think they do have homes or something like that for them.

Have a happy holiday and I'll be seeing you on that bus I guess. Good thing there's a keg in the back!

Jocelyn Testes-Harder said...

I'm amazed. I thought seniors only grocery shopped on Tuesdays.

latrimose said...

It was funny till you said something rude to her. I'll just say that.

Richmondite said...

that was my grandma you jerk!

Haha, good stuff.

JayB said...

Even as someone who works with older folks, I can relate to some of your frustrations. Just remember, if we are lucky to live long enough, we will all be "old" someday.

Andrew said...

Like JayB said, I hope to live long enough to be a dirty old man. With any luck I'll still be hanging out at the Ukrops at the village with hot UR chicks.

I keep getting older...

Battery Park Blisters said...

I agree with you on the old people thing at Ukrops - it gets really bad when they drag their husbands into the store with them who just wander like lost a child and get in everyone's way because they do not want to be there and only came bc they had to drive their wife. But my other issue is the elderly who work there - don't get me wrong - everyone has a right to a job, make a living, etc. But losing me in the parking lot in carytown bc you stopped to every elderly woman walking out pushing my groceries and you are not paying attention to actually following me to my car - that is getting annoying. And no, I do not pay extra at Ukrops to have my bread squished.....

Anonymous said...

Curse you for blogging about Hulu.com. I'm so freaking addicted

Bookstore Piet said...

And for all of you who thought I was cranky... Behold my very pregnant wife - Battery Park Blisters. She will take you down and smack you around.... see what happens when the doc says no sugars till after the baby is born.

the one and only ridor said...

Thank you, Jack. Now I feel I'm not alone when I think of old geezers.

You know, someone told me that God has a sense of humor when it comes to create humans, all it takes you to do is to go to Walmart and observe the shoppers there.

'nuff said.

R-

Jocelyn Testes-Harder said...

Yesterday I had these four people in line ahead of me during the lunch rush at Wendy's:

- Jocelyn Jr., who took forever, then interrupted the next person's order because she suddenly wanted a cup of ice for whatever reason.

- Decrepit old lady who ordered everything seperately, so the cashier and the burger assembly woman felt compelled to explain the combo system to her.

-The yuppie in the pink shirt and polo sweater vest reading USA Today who acted like he'd never ordered fast food before.

- The 30 year old in the track suit who answered his cell phone in the middle of his order.

Jeff E. said...

Patience Daniel-san. You're in the South and here we still try to show respect to other folks, including those old folks that may delay our first whiskey and coke by a whole ten seconds. Take a deep breath next time, smile, and let the old lady through. You'll be glad you did.

latrimose said...

Jeff E. has some class. Deep breaths help. Also when driving in Short Pump.

Paul said...

Merry Chistmas everyone.

Paul said...

I mean "Christmas". Oh and slow down and lighten up.

Meade Skelton said...

I commend you for trying to be Very Richmond and giving the old crow a right to pass by. Instead of trying to confront her later, you should have just said "bless your heart" then muttered something like "drop dead you ___$" where she can't hear it. Thats also a very Richmond thing to do in this case.

Anonymous said...

Make sure you don't wear sandals when you go to pick over the day-old meat at Ukrops at 7:00 AM. The granny ladies will run the carts right over your feet.