-You openly and (in my case) excitedly talk to complete strangers about trying to coerce her into experimenting with anal sex.
- Instead of asking her out to dinner, you ask her if you can come over to her apartment for a "bang date".
- You belch a gassy combination of crappy Sheppard's pie and 4 Miller Lites directly into her face, multiple times during a date.
- You never cease to say anything that crosses your mind and I do mean anything. Other people sometimes visibly cringe when listening to the two of you talk.
- You stand behind her in the bathroom eating cheddar and sour cream Ruffles while she proceeds to vomit her intestines out, and then instead of asking if she's okay, you ask if she has any dip.
- You can joke about period blood, killing babies and getting McDonald's breakfast all in the same exchange.
- You spit in your hand and jokingly tell her to eat it, and she does.
Clearly I like my women to be nearly as sick as I am.
...So ladies, now you see what going on a date with Jack Goes Forth is like. Any takers? Anybody? Hello?