Thursday, October 9, 2008

A Sigh Of Relief

I remained on top of her for a few seconds with my head resting on her shoulder. The combination of her hot apartment, the early morning sun streaming through the window and a bed without sheets was making my forehead and my body damp with sweat, which at the moment didn't matter because her entire body was clammy too.

I slowly pushed myself up and looked down as I pulled out. The condom had blood on it and I noticed that my thighs also had some little traces of red.

Me: "Well I have some great news for you."
Her: "What's that?"
Me: "It turns out you're not pregnant after all!"
Her: (she looks down and smiles) "That, or you just killed our baby you murderer!"

I held myself up on one arm and we gave each other a high five, and with that we both collapsed in laughter.

Me: (giggling) "It's still super early. We can still catch McDonalds breakfast!"
Her: "This day just keeps getting better."

Sometimes it's the little things that tend to make you smile the most.


Jocelyn Testes-Harder said...

You should write romance novels!

Chuck said...

This is the funniest fucking thing I've ever read in my life. I've seriously laughed for five minutes straight now.

I don't know who is sicker... me for enjoying it or you for writing it.

Either way, keep up good work!

Anonymous said...


Prior to this entry, you had really put your balls out there for everyone.

After this entry, you have now put your balls, dick, ass, taint out there. I had to pick my jaw up off the floor after reading this from both shock, laughter, disgust and amazement. Well done!

Benedict Smith said...

good work. post-intercourse jokes involving periods & murdered babies require a very special sense of humor.

Anonymous said...


Your writing skills far out weight your bartending skills. And that is not a compliment. Start taking classes at your local Community College and work hard. Very, very hard, and you too may become an Assistant Manager at Walmart.

Ozzie Black

the one and only ridor said...

Hahaha! This reminds me of a time I had a mutual masturbation with a guy -- he muttered something that made me burst into laughter. Right after he cummed, he stared at his jism and said, "i just killed my babies."

Anyway, what do you think of this big news at U of R?

Here is the link:

Anonymous said...

wow. pushing the envelope a little eh?

good work.

Anonymous said...

Hey Ozzie. He HAS a 4 year degree from a well known university! No Assistant Manager job at Walmart for him!

Kelly said...

What a great post to read on my first visit to your blog... nice! You are now added to my google reader list... look forward to reading you a regular basis now...

Anonymous said...

Quick wit with a high sex drive. Sounds like you were fucking a female version of yourself.

AS said...

I gotta say, she sounds pretty awesome.

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