Friday, October 31, 2008

Reader Has A Real Solution

A reader created this image and sent it along to me this afternoon. She said the star above my name stood for my favorite sports team, The Dallas Cowboys. Although I think she was completely plastered when she said that.

Either way, there's only 4 days until the election, but unlike the other candidates, I actually have a clear and precise plan for what I would do if elected mayor.

I promise that I will spend the budget, and by budget, I mean the whole entire wad, on getting a MAJOR league baseball team to Richmond. I'll make George Steinbrenner look like a cheap bastard by comparison. I'll build a stadium that will rival the new billion dollar arena going up in Dallas. We'll nuke Shockoe Bottom and start from scratch if neccessary.

I mean.... Do we really need to be paying VDOT employees? Overtime money to cops??? The web guys who keep lists of what convicted felons live in your neighborhood??? 3rd Grade Teachers?????? Lets get real here. There are a lot of cuts that need to be made.

If that plan fails and I'm assuming it might, then I'll spend all of Richmond's money on trying to coerce a certain newscaster from Channel 6 into sleeping with me. I figure with the 200 million or so I have at my disposal, I can afford a few dates to Mortons. We need a mayor who is willing to go the extra mile for meaningless sex! We need a mayor who will be honest and upfront with his intentions!

Unlike the other dudes running for mayor, there's no subterfuge when it comes to my campaign.

Vote Jack Goes Forth in 08'.


Jephy said...

The Reader just wants your balls, obviously.

TDeezy said...

Go Cowboys! F*&K the Redskins...

Maybe as Mayor you could push through a law that allows a real strip club, and by real, I mean a club that allows dancers to actually strip and be nude. Oh the humanity!