Wednesday, September 10, 2008

I Have So Many People I Want To Thank...

I was notified tonight, by a variety of people, that I'm up for "Richmond's Hottest Bartender". I don't know who made this decision, who votes on it, who's doing the contest, or whether the contest even exists but people kept coming up and saying that they saw my name on a list and that they were rooting for me. Apparently a bunch of the bars downtown got a list of nominations for a variety of categories (including biggest A-hole, which the owner of my college bar got nominated for).

So on my way home from work I began preparing for what is sure to be an absolute onslaught of incredible, model-quality, amazon-height women throwing themselves at me, by stopping at CVS and purchasing 4 boxes (12 condoms a box) of my favorite brand of Trojans. I then texted a shady doctor I know and asked him for a prescription for the highest grade erectile dysfunction medication on the market (not that I need it, but any man tends to wilt after his 5th girl in one day.)

If you couldn't tell, this post was meant to be sarcastic, although I won't say that I'm not flattered to be up for the honor, even though I have no idea when and where it's taking place (someone let me know so I can stuff the ballot box) or if its just some joke. I don't want to sound like I'm tooting my own horn here, but after this post, I'm willing to bet that the number of gay guys who email me asking for a picture of myself will triple... to 6.

Whether or not I win the title of Richmond's hottest bartender, I think that the added attention it brings may help me get laid, which bartending alone, up to this point, has failed to do....

....Okay that's a lie . :)

4 comments:

Jocelyn Testes-Harder said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jocelyn Testes-Harder said...

Good for you!

I'm hoping to be nominated
for "Mom with the Moistest Stretchpants"

Anonymous said...

You already had trouble fitting your head through the door, and now this? Uh-oh.

Benedict Smith said...

good luck.