Monday, September 29, 2008

The Best Burger In Richmond

"I want to take this burger out to dinner and a movie, then maybe I'll take it back to my place, turn on a little Terence Trent D'Arby...and then...then? we'll just mess around a little bit, you know, take it slow. This burger is so good I don't want to rush things." -Barney on "How I Met Your Mother", describing his feelings towards the best hamburger in New York City.

Much like Barney I'd like to meet a girl (or a hamburger) and for once I'd like to just take it slow and have a normal progression of a first date, a first kiss, a second date and some fooling around, meeting her friends, slightly tipsy awkward sex eventually becoming good sober sex, taking a weekend trip somewhere together, getting into fights in bars over trivial matters, and then an amicable (or non-amicable) break up 6 months after first meeting each other. Isn't that what most normal people do?

Lately, my normal progression is a first date that only includes booze, then drunken awkward sex, then drunken okay sex, then maybe catching a movie together and possibly some Taco Bell, then drunken good sex, followed by sober sex, and then a break up. And this is all in a span of two weeks.

I told a fellow bartender about this the other night and just as we were talking about it, a girl came in the bar and sat down. She was cute and it just so happened that she was new to Richmond (a grad student... go figure). I ended up talking to this girl for a long time and exchanging numbers with her, and although I'm fairly sure she'll end up in my long string of tasty, yet ultimately unfulfilling hamburgers, It gave me hope. It gave me hope that there's a juicy, delicious, 6 month girl out there right now that could walk into my bar at any moment.

Until then, I guess I'll just keep on experimenting with area burgers until I find one I really like. :)

I bet I fooled at least 20 "foodies" into clicking on this post because of the title. Oh and by the way, 5Guys takes the prize when it comes to the RVA and actual hamburgers (as opposed to my girls as hamburgers metaphor).


Brie said...

Um. What about the post you deleted mister? :P

But I know what you mean. The whole routine of hooking up can feel formulaic and rushed.


John said...

I was just going to be a little freaked out if the post was about eating the wrapper of a Hardee's Thickburger. Or about eating a Thickburger at all. Especially having sex afterward -- just seems a recipe for disaster.

Anonymous said...

Wonder if he was threatened with a lawsuit..

or alienation of affection(**)?

Anyway, Roy's BigBurger is the best..

in vino veritas said...

alright - you know, i am totally cool with saying you hoodwinked me into the post. my thought was "sweet, jack is soo going to tell us where we should be eating in shockoe."
john: there is a little thickburger now, as if the big one wasn't a train wreck already.
anon: i concur. (about the burger)

Anonymous said...

The patties at Roy's are like a..

galaxy of meat!!

Richmondite said...

Carytown Burger and Fries has to be mentioned in this argument, even though your post has nothing to do with burgers.

Foodfan said...

Roy's Big Burger
Dairy Bar

Anonymous said...

poes pub!

Jason said...

Good call on the title. The post has already shot onto the "most popular" list. And now all the comments are about burgers.

Anonymous said...

Hey why do breakups always occur after the sober sex part i wonder

Jocelyn Testes-Harder said...

Commercial Taphouse and Caliente both do it right, and they both have good beer. 5 Guys is a greezy toilet of death. Carytown Burgers and Fries would be better if all their employees weren't worthless. And Roy's is nice if you like eating with flies all over your face like you were a sick child in a Save the Children commercial.