Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Bartender Insider: What's In That Free Shot?

We have a DJ who likes for people to dance on the bar. Almost everytime she DJ's she will inevitably get on the mic and say something along the lines of, "If you get up on the bar for this next song, then my bartender Jack will make you a free muthafuckin' shot!" So of course every water-buffalo in the joint comes stampeding for the bar and asking me for their shot as they gyrate to whatever Lil Wayne song is hot at the moment .

When this happens my first thought is that I want to curl up in the fetal position in the walk-in cooler and start crying, all the while wondering about what wrong turns I've taken in life to deserve this. My second thought is, fuck, I gotta go make 30 shots now.

So lately I'll just grab an empty beer pitcher, dump a shit ton of triple sec in and then fill the rest with cranberry juice. Then I make one of the other bartenders line up 30 shot cups and fill them with my alcohol-free shots, and pass them out to whomever is on the bar. People see a red shot, they taste the sting of the triple sec and they're satisfied knowing that they just got a little bit drunker, which is not actually the case.

Sure, I'm sort of cheating customers out of a hard-earned, alcohol laced shot. But it's fair because half of the customers slowly cheat me out of my will to live on a nightly basis, so I just call it even.


This post came off as a tad cynical and it's only because tonight was just one of those nights where I wished I hadn't gotten out of bed at 2 PM for work. 98 percent of the time, I love what I do.

7 comments:

Anna said...

Amusing.

Anonymous said...

"Half of the customers slowly cheat me out of my will to live on a nightly basis"

Hahaha

Battery Park Blisters said...

The fact is... they are not paying for it - which means, the bar did not make any additional money and no tip for you. Who cares if they do not know the difference.

-M

Battery Park Blisters said...

water buffalo?? hmmmm....

Jocelyn Testes-Harder said...

Hey, I got one of those shots!!

Anonymous said...

Any true Tucker Max wannabe would crush up a couple of rohypnols and throw them into the mix.

Benedict Smith said...

good to know. i'll stick to relying on the ole' gin & tonic to carry me further into deep inebriation.