Thursday, August 14, 2008

A Drunken Thought

I think a lot about my life and my future. I look at my grandfather and how he was defending our country in a foreign land at my age, and I think how meaningless, how trivial my life is.

I know I'm too smart to be bartending full-time, but on the flipside, I'm also too smart to lock myself into a job and a life that I'll hate.

I could write this stupid book, I could teach English in South Korea, I could get a job doing sales for Kinkos, I could build up the capital and open a bar, I could keep bartending, I could go back to school, I could fuck until an STD kills me, I could join the Army... I could do anything and everything my little heart desires.

I just don't know what the hell I want to do. The swan song of a lot of 24 year olds I suppose.....

I may be enjoying the ride, but I can't get out of my head long enough to really soak everything in. Something has to give, I just don't know when that's going to happen. I'll keep slinging booze, writing, making friends and chasing tail I guess.

I always want more more more, and I end up taking for granted how great life is, and how I never go wanting or needing for anything. Life could be sooooo much worse.


Brie said...

Hang in there, killer. This week can't last forever unless we're actually in an episode of The Twilight Zone. ;)


Jocelyn Testes-Harder said...

The good new'll be
thirty before you know it.

Benedict Smith said...

the only thing that makes me doubt my current straigt/full speed ahead approach to drinking/womanizing/ the knowledge that one day i'll be 35....and I don't want to be the unmarried dude @ the dive bar when he's 39 hitting on 24 year olds girls...not even caring b/c he's so f'ing desperate. seriously. as it is....i'm still 25. Time to burn the candle at both ends...b/c you def can't do this later.

BJG. said...

Found your blog through Robert Anasi and I've been a regular reader since. This post made me want to weigh in. Having found myself at a similar crossroads at around the same age (very similar in fact--I considered teaching English in Portugal or going into sales for a bank), I went back to school and finished my bachelor's degree. Then after a stint as a junior high teacher I went back again and am now pursuing my Ph.D. I have funds saved up from the days of actually making lots of money, but my income has dried up quite a bit. That said, I read and write for a living and can't imagine ever returning to a desk or cubicle. Life's good, and I have plenty of memories to look back on with pride, laughter, joy, maybe some amused regret.
I've found that there's nothing wrong with wanting more; the trick is to figure out what it is that you want more of, as it will change over the years.
Oh, and don't join the Army. That's never the answer.

roissy said...

b/c you def can't do this later.

oh, you can. trust me.

Ava V. said...

i just have a few words for you, "don't work for the man."

RVA Foodie said...

JGF, you need to find the fountain of youth (other than your usual booty-juice cocktail). I recommend joining the global anti-capitalist underground, going vegan, traveling the world in support of popular insurrections against corporate greed, and enjoying the liberated lovelife that goes along with the lifestyle of the autonomous activist. And yes, you can blog all the while.

Anonymous said...

I feel the same way!