Monday, August 4, 2008

Day Off Bartender Thoughts From 5 PM

-- Well the "Fling Is A Fling Is A Fling" girl has now officially become just that; A fling. She claims that my expletive-laced tirade over a botched drug deal that was her fault, showed my true colors (I won't explain the situation in depth, but no I'm not a drug dealer and no it's not what you think). I, of course, was unwilling to apologize because I was right, and just like that... We're done. Thank god I have Russian tennis beauties to console me. Seriously though, it's like a size queen sleeping with a black guy... Once you go blonde, tall, gorgeous and Eastern European, you never go back.

-- I got interviewed by a nice lady who is writing a book about tattoos and scars today. Apparently someone who reads my blog had referred her to me. We met at a Starbucks and she videotaped me and took pictures of my forearm tat and the facial scar I received in Brooklyn a year and a half ago. I then told the stories behind both. She says she's blogging it all first and then doing the book. It's cool that things like this pop up because of my blog. It goes to show that my blog is good for more than just cock-blocking me and upsetting my friends.

Once I get the tattoo/scar blog link I'll probably post it on here, although I'm hesitant to do so because then the proverbial cat is really out of the bag. People can always figure out what bar I'm at and come see me, but giving access to direct pictures of me makes me wonder.

-- Sometimes I'll get a simple drink order and for whatever reason I blank. This doesn't happen often (maybe once a month), but when it does I'm put in a funny situation. Do I ask the customer what's in the drink, "uhhh, sorry, I forgot what a Cape Cod is", or do I take a chance and just mix up what I think it is?

Unless it's a drink that I've completely never heard of, I take a stab in the dark and mix the drink. Then I serve it to the customer with such aplomb that they will usually doubt themselves if the drink seems off, but they won't doubt me.

This happened when I got an order for a Madras the other day. I know what a Madras is but we were slammed and I was in the zone. Why the fuck can't the customer just be like, "give me a Vodka, Cranberry and OJ?" Well I blanked but luckily I made a Vodka, cranberry, pineapple with a splash of OJ, so it didn't register with them. Plus I served it with such speed and confidence that they probably thought, "Wait, is this a Madras? Am I going crazy?" and "Man that guy really has some great hair, I wonder if it's just like that when he wakes up?."

-Yes I changed my blog template. The old one sort of reminded me of vomit and regardless of how puke-inducing my writing is, I will not have a page that looks like vomit.


Jocelyn Testes-Harder said...

The next time I'm in there I'm ordering a "dirty white crack baby, on the rocks".

Anonymous said...

Biacth deserves it, she was messing with the wrong crew. She is lucky all she got was a profanity laced tirade.