Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Richmond Kickballers: Enough With The Neon Shirts!

*Hey man, lets get shitfaced at the game tonight and then hit the bars in our uniforms... Yeah man, chicks will have to fuck us then.



I received a call a today from a close who friend who invited me to meet him downtown tonight. I said sure, I'm off work tonight, lets have a few drinks. He then told me that he was going out after kickball to Blackfinn with his kickball team and for me to meet him there.

No, no, no, NOOOOOOO.

I can't stand the neon-shirt kickball crowd. As individuals, they are fine people (a few are friends and a few have been pasty, slightly overweight, mid twenty year old flings for JGF), but as a whole, they make me vomit neon-colored puke.

I've bartended for this crowd many many many times over, also I've drank with them here and in DC (The neon-shirt mafia is taking over every major metropolitan area), and it's always the same shit. Mid twenties, out of shape, bores...swilling whatever cheap beer the bar is willing to give a special on that night. They start playing flip cup and being obnoxious, then 45 minutes later someone vomits, then there's the girl who inevitably starts crying about something, then some guy bitches about our policy of a ten dollar minimum on credit cards ( but I only wanted two beers and I don't have any cash!...wahhh!). I can't make this shit up, this is really what happens after every kickball outing.

What really drives me crazy though is their apparel. Why do you have to continue to wear your orange neon shirt, soccer socks and red,white and blue headband to the bar? The game ended two hours ago? Can't you put a change of clothes in your car? I'm not even sure I would mind if a crew of 50 kickballers walked into the bar with normal clothes on. I probably wouldn't even notice they were there.

I understand that community kickball is a great way to meet new people, I get the concept there. I guess if I wanted to meet other generic white men and women who attended JMU, Radford or Longwood, then I would probably join up too.

I'm thinking about just showing up tonight to the post kickball booze fest, only so I can snipe the one or two hot female kickballers out of the mix. When everyone is wearing puke-green colored shirts, I would guess that standing out to women is pretty easy.

10 comments:

roosh said...

I think i played kickball once when i was 12 years old. Kickball is for people too lazy to get on a f'ing treadmill and who need to have "fun" in order to exercise. no discipline or real athletic skill.

Anonymous said...

Wow Jack, I've just read many of your postings and I did so for reasons you'll never know. I find it amazing and perplexing that you have the need to degrade and humiliate other human beings so often. You repeatedly offend others, right or wrong. I suppose you think that what you write is socially significant. However, what I find in your writing is a guy trying to be an adult and write things down without the ability, creativity, sensitivity, imagination, or grammatical and spelling expertise to do so. You merely use your own biased and self-centered opinions and interpretations to bring attention to yourself. Maybe that's what blogging is all about, and indeed you achieve that goal as I see you get plenty of comments. Maybe the comments are your satisfaction; a boost for your self-esteem or some self-gratification from the shock value you think your blogs offer. Again, it's perplexing to me that time is spent on this type of writing, but like I said, maybe that's all that blogging is about and if so, then go (strut)forth. Looks like the best you can do.

Zosimus the Heathen said...

ARGH! MY EYES! MY EYES!

N said...

LOL It's entertainment people. He knows what he is doing. Pissing you off is making him so damn popular; heard of eminem anyone? LOL Loves it. rock on jack just please don't pick on me hehe

Anonymous said...

I don't understand why people keep attacking JGF. He clearly asks for it.

Jackgoesforth said...

JERRY: New shirt?

GEORGE: Yeah. You like it.

JERRY: No, not particularly.

GEORGE: Why, the color?

JERRY: Yeah.

GEORGE: Too flashy?

JERRY: Yeah, it's burning my retina.

Anonymous said...

Whaddya expect from someone still in their 20s?

Natalie said...

Hmm... bright shirts, vomit and crying? Are you talking about kickballers or your clientele from Tiki's?

Benedict Smith said...

yeha, i ran into a group downtown one time here in Raleigh, all i could gleam as a worthwhile price regarding them was potentially pulling one of the two cute girls in the mix...the rest were busted and beneath consideration.

FrostyBoard said...

I joined a kickball team thinking it would be lame... and it kind of was. A few allstars sprinkled in with everyone who was ever picked last ni gym class, but the point is. Its an excuse to be outside and gratuitously hit on girls I wouldnt otherwise encounter (not so much a bad thing) make a bunch of.... betas (roosh's word fits so well ) feel awkward because they are beaten on their home turf, an assinine event designed to get people drunk enough where they might hook up, tell their other sub par friends pay, the $55 and keep the kickball industry moving. Having said that I have just talked myself out of enjoying kickball. Its like beta solidarity with a couple alphas mixed in to remind the betas that yes they are in fact betas on and off the field, at work and in recreational activity.