"Why are we so full of restraint? Why do we not give in all directions? Is it fear of losing ourselves? Until we do lose ourselves there is no hope of finding ourselves. "
"One of the reasons why so few of us ever act, instead of react, is because we are continually stifling our deepest impulses."
"The ordinary man is involved in action, the hero acts. An immense difference."
- All quotes from Henry Miller
Aside from the sleeping, bartending, drinking and skirt-chasing, I happen to be a voracious reader. Henry Miller is my favorite writer, and I guess you could say he's my idol. I won't get into why this is the case right now, but a great illustration of Miller, for the people to lazy to read his work, is the movie HenryAndJune which is based on a book by one of Miller's lovers and a fellow novelist, Anais Nin. It paints the portrait of a man obsessed with living, loving and well, not going with the norm. It also features a young, very attractive Uma Thurman playing his wife.
It took Miller a long time to find success and although his eventual success was enormous, he spent many years as a poor man, depending on his wits and his friends to get him through. Maybe I relate to him because of his non-existant finances all throughout his 20's and 30's, maybe it's because of his intense need for independence and freedom, or maybe it's simply because he is obsessed with sex. Probably a bit of it all.
My readings (Miller and many others) and my current lifestyle don't seem to be bringing me any closer to rejoining normal society or going back to wanting what everyone else does. I'm gaining some clarity but I'm also still very confused. Unfortunately the clarity I'm gaining is probably taking me in the exact opposite direction of where my loved ones would like to see me heading.
PS I: If you're interested in reading Henry Miller then you may as well start with his classic, Tropic of Cancer. After that check out these in any order: Tropic of Capricorn, Black Spring, Sexus, Nexus, Plexus and Crazy Cock.
PS II: It was time for a serious post. Too many funny bartending related posts have left me feeling ineffectual and groggy.