Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Funny Bartender Thoughts From 4:30 AM

-I'm almost positive that one of my best tippers is a genuine, true to life, pimp. He only comes in after 1 AM. He wears really flashy suits and ties. He has a gold tooth. He only carries huge wads of twenties. Oh and he has hit on two girls that I've already "been" with and offered them a position as a personal escort in his company, saying that the position would make them more money than they would know what to do with...so yeah, that kind of gave away his pimp status. One of the girls told me this and I couldn't help but encourage her to give the escort business a shot. I mean, this guy throws around money, he's actually a really nice guy, and he wears light pink suits... All of which make him and his "company" legitimate to me. I'm sure he has to put his hoes in check every once and awhile, but a ho just has to expect the pimphand in that racket...right? Btw, he bought three Coronas and four shots for various "ho prospects" tonight. He paid with a 20$ everytime and told me to keep the change on every drink order. That's just straight pimpin right there...

- A fellow bartender found out about the blog when one of her fellow students at VCU was talking about it in some sort of creative writing class. She asked me about it tonight... Uh-oh. Let JGF's fall from grace begin.

- I met another Russian tonight, although this one wasn't Vladimir Klitschko's illegitimate daughter, no, she was actually pretty short. What can I say? I love the Eastern European women.

- The new bar gig isn't exactly giving me as many shifts as I require to stay in Armani suits and Jimmy Choo shoes, but I took the position knowing that this would be the case for a period of time. I want to work and I need the money, also working keeps me away from drinking and more importantly, away from spending money while I'm drinking. This is the perfect situation for me to call in the underage (although still legal!) girls though, simply because I don't have to go to bars with them and spend money. They can drink that bottle of Jim Beam that's been rolling around in my trunk for the last three weeks and they'll be as happy as a clam.

With ideas like this, it's a wonder I'm not doing more with my life than bartending and making plans to crash important city meetings.

- Speaking of important city meetings, I just read the new Style Weekly and it's 75 most important Richmonders article. Other than putting me to sleep (NOT Style's fault, it was more the people that they spoke about fault....yawn) I guess my gripe is the ho-hum, "hey, that guy is high up in a major Richmond company, lets put him on the list." I want to see more people that the red-neck Joe Schmo on Southside can relate to, or that the frumpy Suzie Homemaker from Short Pump can get behind. How about Anthony Grant (you can't help but feel he's the face of Richmond when driving into town on 64) or even a big time restaurateur like Michelle Williams. Of couse I didn't really pay attention to the guidelines for inclusion on the list anyways, so don't listen to my rants. Kudos on the Murden/Catrow addition, which sort of felt like charity because of them being put together, in the final spot, but who cares? Go bloggers!!!!

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

What? You know what JGF why don't you submit yourself to a male escort service. I mean you do it so much anyway why not get paid for it, I mean if you aren't getting paid for it already.

Jack Goes Forth said...

Trust me with my finances, I'll look into anything.

Anonymous said...

Style likes to glorify a lot of pompous windbags.

You should start another blog (or just use this one), and fill it with salacious gossip and rumors about Richmond power-mongers. Sort of a tell all from a bartenders perspective. Basically it could be thedirty.com but for people other than bar sluts and wanna-be thugs.

Anonymous said...

Don't worry, i didn't tell anyone from work about it and i don't plan on it. No worries!

Jack Goes Forth said...

Haha. I have a feeling that people will find out soon enough, but thanks anyways.

Benedict Smith said...

i like strip clubs and bars for a simple and same reason....it's about what you've tipped/done lately, that's it. you tip well, you receive excellent service. everyone with cash is an equal should they choose to be. straight up.