"If your going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs and maybe your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery, isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance; of how much you really want to do it, and you'll do it. Despite rejection and the worst odds, and it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If your going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that, you'll be alone with the gods and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. Its the only good fight there is." -Charles Bukowski
I read this Bukowski quote here earlier today and it really got me thinking.
I've openly embraced a different lifestyle, a life of working in the service industry, a life of writing, and a life of hedonism. I've shunned the "9 to 5" world publicly; to any and all that will listen or have an internet browser.
I admit that there are still times that I think about getting a "real" job with health insurance and benefits and more of a future. There are also times that I'm scared, scared that nothing will actually come of my time spent writing, reading, fornicating (Living as I call it). As the days go on though, I find myself happy. Hell, I find myself borderline euphoric half the time.
I read that quote from above and it steels my resolve. Not my resolve to write this rediculous book (my 45 minutes of agony everyday), but my resolve to maintain this lifestyle, to maintain my freedom. To see it through til I'm on the ground, starving, bloody, near death...
You won't be seeing me behind a desk for a long time.