When you are broke and/or would rather not waste a dime on girls you barely know; you tend to get creative. Indulge me....
11:00 AM: I wake up and realize that I told this girl we would meet around 11 AM. Hmmm. I text her and tell her to meet me at Belle Isle at 3 PM. The message this sends her: "I'm still in bed and you're not important." A masterful first "check" in the game for total date domination.
3:15 PM: I get to the parking lot at Belle Isle (15 minutes late). I text her to see where she's at. She hits back with a well-planned text (I got caught up, will be a few minutes late.) Touche (Too-Shay) my beautiful adversary.
3:30 PM: She arrives. I like her style with the whole half hour late thing. We walk over the foot bridge and find a spot on the river to frolic like little children.
3:50 PM: After frolic-ing, some light touching, rapid riding, etc. We lounge in a shallow pool and look at the Richmond skyline. Her face is somewhat close to mine and in my head I honestly recite the words , "you can do this...you're Keith Hernandez." -(Seinfeld Reference) I move in for a kiss, sans alcohol, in broad daylight, 20 minutes into a first date.
3:51 PM: I am in fact, Keith Hernandez. I do what I want to do and I don't ask permission. Sure I'm probably giving off the "I'm horny and this means very little to me" vibe. No deterrence here.
4:10 PM: We decide we're hungry. She hints at a few restaurants downtown near where she works. I shoot down these places like I'm playing Duck Hunt. I formulate a plan and tell her to follow me to a place on southside.
4:30 PM: We hit the Downtown Expressway (we both live in southside) and she follows me to a little place called Sino American Cafe. That's right, I made her follow me to an all you can eat, 9.99 a plate, Chinese/Japanese/American fusion buffet.
4:40 PM: She pulls up beside me and gets out of the car a bit bewildered. I casually say, "I'm hungry, you're hungry. We eat now." After this quote I stomp towards the front door. *I do hold the door open for her, although I briefly considered not doing this...such is my mania.
4:50 PM: As we tuck into our first plates, both piled high with fried rice, orange chicken, a slice of pizza, a few sushi pieces and Chinese donuts, I get a call from my best buddy.
Me answering: "Yooooo! Guess were I am? Sino American Cafe!
Him: "Whaaaaa?!? I'm close to there and hungry. I'm on the way!"
Me: "Cool, I'm on a first date, but she's cool..."
She again looks bewildered by my actions. I smirk and act as if me inviting a buddy to join in for dinner on a first date is the most natural thing in the whole world.
5:00 PM: Buddy arrives. We immediately begin spitting out inside jokes, although to my dates' credit, she managed to hold her own in the conversation.
5:10 PM: I tell my date that if she doesn't at least attempt to consume 4 plates of buffet food, then she voluntarily forfeits her free dinner and will be paying for herself.
Overall impressions of Sino-American and the first date: Sino was excellent as always. The huge vat of chicken with cashew nuts was superb, as was the soft serve ice cream machine. I found a hair on the california roll/pepperoni pizza slice combo I mushed together, although I came to realize that it was in fact, my own hair. My buddy waxed off his third plate and a bowl of ice cream, he then decided to wash that down with a huge bowl of corn (seriously). He did mention how good the corn was though. I commented to our waitress that it looked like they had put a new fish in the aquarium next to our table. She looked at me like I was a crazy person, although she barely speeaky de engleessh, so that may explain that situation.
The date itself was good. We kissed, I only spent 25 bucks, and it turned out I didn't completely turn her off (I think). I think the addition of my friend and his brand of humor helped inject a bit of life into the date. (My humor, which can be on the dark, sarcastic side was going over her head a bit.)
Interesting side note: After bashing how poorly black people tip last night on the blog, I went on a date with a black girl. I wouldn't really call it ironic, just interesting.