Monday, June 16, 2008

A First Date and Restaurant Review

When you are broke and/or would rather not waste a dime on girls you barely know; you tend to get creative. Indulge me....

11:00 AM: I wake up and realize that I told this girl we would meet around 11 AM. Hmmm. I text her and tell her to meet me at Belle Isle at 3 PM. The message this sends her: "I'm still in bed and you're not important." A masterful first "check" in the game for total date domination.

3:15 PM: I get to the parking lot at Belle Isle (15 minutes late). I text her to see where she's at. She hits back with a well-planned text (I got caught up, will be a few minutes late.) Touche (Too-Shay) my beautiful adversary.

3:30 PM: She arrives. I like her style with the whole half hour late thing. We walk over the foot bridge and find a spot on the river to frolic like little children.

3:50 PM: After frolic-ing, some light touching, rapid riding, etc. We lounge in a shallow pool and look at the Richmond skyline. Her face is somewhat close to mine and in my head I honestly recite the words , "you can do're Keith Hernandez." -(Seinfeld Reference) I move in for a kiss, sans alcohol, in broad daylight, 20 minutes into a first date.

3:51 PM: I am in fact, Keith Hernandez. I do what I want to do and I don't ask permission. Sure I'm probably giving off the "I'm horny and this means very little to me" vibe. No deterrence here.

4:10 PM: We decide we're hungry. She hints at a few restaurants downtown near where she works. I shoot down these places like I'm playing Duck Hunt. I formulate a plan and tell her to follow me to a place on southside.

4:30 PM: We hit the Downtown Expressway (we both live in southside) and she follows me to a little place called Sino American Cafe. That's right, I made her follow me to an all you can eat, 9.99 a plate, Chinese/Japanese/American fusion buffet.

4:40 PM: She pulls up beside me and gets out of the car a bit bewildered. I casually say, "I'm hungry, you're hungry. We eat now." After this quote I stomp towards the front door. *I do hold the door open for her, although I briefly considered not doing this...such is my mania.

4:50 PM: As we tuck into our first plates, both piled high with fried rice, orange chicken, a slice of pizza, a few sushi pieces and Chinese donuts, I get a call from my best buddy.

Me answering: "Yooooo! Guess were I am? Sino American Cafe!

Him: "Whaaaaa?!? I'm close to there and hungry. I'm on the way!"

Me: "Cool, I'm on a first date, but she's cool..."

She again looks bewildered by my actions. I smirk and act as if me inviting a buddy to join in for dinner on a first date is the most natural thing in the whole world.

5:00 PM: Buddy arrives. We immediately begin spitting out inside jokes, although to my dates' credit, she managed to hold her own in the conversation.

5:10 PM: I tell my date that if she doesn't at least attempt to consume 4 plates of buffet food, then she voluntarily forfeits her free dinner and will be paying for herself.

Overall impressions of Sino-American and the first date: Sino was excellent as always. The huge vat of chicken with cashew nuts was superb, as was the soft serve ice cream machine. I found a hair on the california roll/pepperoni pizza slice combo I mushed together, although I came to realize that it was in fact, my own hair. My buddy waxed off his third plate and a bowl of ice cream, he then decided to wash that down with a huge bowl of corn (seriously). He did mention how good the corn was though. I commented to our waitress that it looked like they had put a new fish in the aquarium next to our table. She looked at me like I was a crazy person, although she barely speeaky de engleessh, so that may explain that situation.

The date itself was good. We kissed, I only spent 25 bucks, and it turned out I didn't completely turn her off (I think). I think the addition of my friend and his brand of humor helped inject a bit of life into the date. (My humor, which can be on the dark, sarcastic side was going over her head a bit.)

Interesting side note: After bashing how poorly black people tip last night on the blog, I went on a date with a black girl. I wouldn't really call it ironic, just interesting.


Anonymous said...

Bashing black peoples tipping habits and then taking a black girl to a buffet on the first date?

You're really doing wonders for race relations JGF.

Anonymous said...

Next date you should have her pay, and she how she tips. This would obviously prove nothing beyond one anecdotal case study, but at least you could write about her tipping habits.

Anonymous said...

Why not just discuss how poorly black people tip. I think it will be a fun topic.

On the tipping thing, the only thing you seem to have noticed is that those on the lower end of the socioeconomic ladder tend to tip poorly. The fact that blacks and mexicans and whites fall into that description is unremarkable.

Jack Goes Forth said...

I wouldn't say it's unremarkable. The uneducated blue collar classes tip like shit, although bartender is a blue collar profession also, so you would think that these people would look after their own when it comes to tipping a few extra dollars (4-5 $)?. Conclusion, the lower a person is on the socioeconomic scale, the more of a fucking retard they are.

I like the idea to have her pay and see what she tips, unfortunately she is also a bartender so that will probably render her race a moot point.

Anonymous said...

i doubt you'll get a second chance with her. seriously, inviting your friend and making inside jokes?

Benedict Smith said...

yeah, the date domination is something you craft with EACH interaction. I try to tell my friends, each phone convo, text, response time....everything counts. all you can eat buffet rules for first dates. I usually do coffee, it's casual, and if you do pay for her, it's like 4 bucks.

Jack Goes Forth said...

You clearly are some sort of "nice guy" and for the purposes of meeting a middle of the road, Frumpy Frumptacular and eventually marrying her... congrats, you win buddy.

But this is not my goal and this is never my goal. Let me stick with the date plans and getting girls naked and I'll let you stick with trolling blogs and leaving anonymous comments. That seems fair.

Brie said...

Challenging the date to a 4-plate minimum or the free dinner is forfeit? ;) Bringing along a buddy? ;) You are a nerd.

But unless you specified how much food needs to be on the plate, this is an easy challenge for her to beat if she's halfway fun. ;) Sounds like you did okay.

dchero said...

First date checklist:
1. Let her know who's boss
2. Have her guessing at your next move
3. She isn't bored at any moment

Sounds like you hit the trifecta, well done.

roosh said...

25 bucks?!!! good god that's expensive.

when it comes to food i got one word for you: falafel

3crows said...

I'm not a "nice guy", I'm a woman who would never go out with you again if you did that to me. Seems like you are taking your "game" to the level of 3rd grade. Please let us know if she goes out with you again and I will respectfully acquiesce!

Anonymous said...

Wow I like the gauntlet laid down by 3crows.
And stop stealing my go to move. The "bring along a friend" move was clearly lifted from my including you on Friday. Get your own moves, you hack.
And give me my $100. I needs to get paid.


Gunnar G. Goode said...

The hilarity and apathy made this read very enjoyable. hahaha brilliant. At first sight of the seinfeld reference...I knew you were legit.

Jack Goes Forth said...

3 Crows- you said it, "you're a woman". I'm only looking for sub 24 year old, still smoking hot, somewhat retarded "girls" to play my mind games with. While you seem interesting, I'm not sure your skins' elasticity is up to the challenge. Of course I'd always be willing to find out.. (wink wink) :)

JM- 100 dollars? Ummm, I don't recall said bet... besides, Rocco got cheated...somehow. Maybe instead of paying a 100, I can just not tell everyone about the land-beast you hauled around all Friday.

Roosh- I'm not really into the whole saving thing. When I get large influxes of cash every few nights from bartending, I like to put it back into circulation ASAP. I think it's called being n*%#@! rich! (I'm crushing some black people lately, not intentionally though.)

3crows said...

well, i'm not looking for any handouts, thanks, but I have been reading all of you and your friends blogs in amusement. all this stuff about "game" and alpha/beta...all just to get laid. Seems very elaborate and devious.

I have a question: does game really just mean being as rude as possible to the girl? Aren't there supposed to be nuances, just in case, you know, the one your with ISN'T somewhat retarded...? Or does the philosophy, the meaner the better, really work? (I'm being serious)

Jack Goes Forth said...

3 Crows-

Thats a good question,and hopefully you took my previous comment in jest.

My blog isn't really as devoted to game as some of the others and no, game isn't being mean to girls (for the most part).

I'm not some big gamer and I don't really study the subject or think about it very much. Just saying what comes naturally to me seems to work, even when it's semi-mean.

And lets be honest, when you're young and single; what else is there than getting laid, having fun and being with your friends?

Anonymous said...

JGF- I would take your "land-beast" comment offensively if either a) she was worse than the worst woman I've ever seen you with or b) she was worse than the worst woman I've ever seen myself with (or will be with in the future).
And you should pay your Tiger Woods bet b/c he is some way black, you are developing some serious bad karma with the brothas and the sistas.


3crows said...

alright i was getting confused there for a minute (but do let us know if there are any future dates with the girl).

and I well remember (well, not really) being young and single, having fun, hooking guys crack me up, you take it to a new level! promise me you all will keep writing your whole lives so we can see how it all turns out..

Anonymous said...

PEople actually eat at the Sino American cafe? I've lived near that part of town for years and that place looks so sketch.