Thursday, May 15, 2008

Gamblin' Man

I spent a half hour today learning how to play craps for an upcoming bachelor party/Atlantic City Trip.

I picture myself strolling up to a packed craps table in Ballys sometime around 10 PM. The crowd somehow senses a presense and starts to part as this suave, devilishly handsome, young man walks up to the table and the table boss shouts out,

"A we gotta shoooottttaaaaaahhhh here!"

The table is surrounded by people and they're mostly models from NYC who are in town for a convention that weekend.

I put my arm around a nearby cocktail waitress and say, "I'll have a single malt scotch. Maybe a Glenfiddich, Glenlivet, Glengarioch, any glen will do and if you tell the bartender to take it easy on the water," I reach into my pocket and pull out a bill, "Then this crumpled up George Washington has got your name written all over it. "

They hand me the dice and I wink at one of the models before I promptly roll 16 "big reds" or seven-outs in a row, running my bank roll to somewhere in the high 5 figures. The table is packed 6 deep and with every roll the noise and intensity grows. Finally when the casino senses they can take no more losses a floor manager comes over and offers me the key to a complimentary suite, where my friends and I end the night in a coke-fueled, model orgy with only ice cold bottles of Belvedere Vodka to quench our thirst.

The room becomes a booze-soaked, dead model blood bath (You have to kill at least one hooker during an AC trip...right?) At one point I see the groom in a model/ prostitute sandwich and we smile at each other and I know that this will surely go down as the greatest bachelor party ever and it was all because I took the time to learn craps.

So as you can see, I had a pretty productive day.


Anonymous said...

killing a hooker is a rite of passage, much like a bar mitsvah. It's also a lot of fun.

Angelo De La Vega said...

I was so drunk one time in Vegas that I had a "bad throw", which means I completely missed the table with one of the dice... if I could remember it better, it was probably very, very, embarrassing. I woke up the next morning in a puddle of vomit on the bathroom floor of my hotel room.