*noooo, I'm not attempting to compare myself to F.Scott Fitzgerald...psh... well... maybe his drinking, but certainly not his writing.
I've been talking, thinking, posting, dreaming, wondering, hoping and planning in the past few weeks about some projects that I've wanted to undertake. Most of them are far-fetched and some might even call them foolish, but none are impossible.
I'm in a place right now where I have no responsibility, no concept of time, and only the wind and my crazy, moody emotions can lead me. I have some very steady, very consistant bartending gigs to provide a living. I have a lot of daylight time on my hands. Most importantly, I'm starting to become absolutely fearless with how I want to live my life.
I've been toying with the idea to write seriously for awhile, but honestly, I just didn't think I had the chops for it. I have brief moments of bulletproof confidence that makes me think I can undertake the arduous task of writing a novel, but for the most part I just don't think I have the follow-thru or the talent to make it happen. Even bulletproof confidence tends to wilt at the grand idea of writing a book.... Even writing this post I'm having crazy confidence swings about whether or not I should post this idea.
Well, maybe I can do this and maybe I won't be able to finish and maybe I'll end up looking like a bigger idiot than I already do.....But I'm going to write a book.
The only reason I post this is because I need and want some accountability for this decision. I'm going to see this shit thru come hell or highwater and the small amount of people who read this blog (about 150 peeps a day) will be there to either see me succeed and produce a mediocre book, or fail and be like every other major idea most people will have in their lives.
I have a broad outline for what I want to do, and I have A LOT of ideas that need to be put on paper. The only thing I can say with confidence is that there will be a good amount of self-autobiographical material involved and a small mix of fiction. (Think Augusten Burroughs or James Frey. Although I'll admit that some of my work is made up unlike these dudes.) I just think its a matter of pushing my ass and using the daylight and nighttime hours I have to bang out the words and once that's done.... well, then I'll let the chips fall where they may.
My life is in constant flux, constantly changing, and constantly shocking me... I've gotten calls regarding jobs in DC recently, I've gotten other bartending gigs offered, old jobs have contacted me, I get ideas to do this and that and everything in between...everything is flying at warp speed....I'm excited about life and about this decision, and it has to start now. Something big is going to happen...this I know for a fact, and I also know that this feeling (of grandeur?) won't go away.
I'm resigned to the fact that whatever the end product is or even the mid-product, may not be a masterpiece, but it will be something that you can hold and something I can be proud of. I have the time and the energy now, and now is the best time to do anything...
Blog will continue as always and updates will follow frequently. Wish me luck or wish me failure, but whatever you do, don't bet against me :)