So I've spent the last two days (and part of today) in a sort of flu-induced stupor. When you spend that much time confined to a bed, in and out of sleep and in a drugged-out haze...theres really only one thing you can do. You think.
Unfortunately my thoughts have tended to be on the negative side for the past few days. I guess the combination of my directionless life and my body getting ravaged by this virus doesn't make for sunny thoughts. Through my haze I've fielded calls from recruiters, jobs, second interviews, etc...But I can barely remember who I spoke with or what was said (Luckily I scribbled some stuff down).
In my "non-sick" day dreams I'm certainly not accepting a new job and finding a new place to live. No, I'm not anywhere near that life. But in my "sick/drugged-out" day dreams though, I find myself thinking very cryptically. Like having dark fantasies about being confined to one place until I die, or unexpectedly becoming a father in the near future, or even treading away in a cubicle until I'm old and wrinkled. I've been uncharacteristically down.... although those moments will generally get followed with some wrinkle of hope and I'll be incredibly euphoric for a spell. (Bi-polar perhaps?!?) Come to think of it I've always resembled a rollar coaster in my emotion and thought process...
For the most part though, I am generally extremely optimistic when it comes to life and situations, but being sick sure has a way of taking the wind out of your sails. Once this BS passes, it is so on.
"As long as I have a want, I have a reason for living. Satisfaction is death." -G.B. Shaw
"There is no passion to be found playing small- in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living."-N. Mandela