Monday, January 7, 2008


99% of the time, Jack Goes Forth is a Brutally Freezing, Stone Cold, Lead Pipe, Emotionless, Cyborg when it comes to women and relationships. There is that 1 % of the time though when even JGF will catch feelings, or have a passing moment of sadness.

Its inherent in every human being on the planet to get crushes, to have their heart stomped on, to get jealous, etc. My 99/1 % ratio is admitedly, a bit on the high side. (I clock the average beta male's ratio at around 25% robot, 75% lovesick puppy. Average female--- 3 % robot, 97 % crying trainwreck.)

There was a time when I had feelings though. Certain people who knew me in college can attest to this, but even then, my coldness level was something most men can only aspire to reach. Why should someone close themselves off like this? Isn't feeling the emotions that come with love and heartache one of life's greatest experiences?

Yes and No. Being a hedonist I do strive to experience all that life can offer and the ultimate highs and lows of love are exhilarating. But do I want to get my heart ripped to shreads??? Of course not.

I would ultimately never say never to love and marriage (Hookers eventually will get too pricey), but watching people my age and in their twenties commit to something that says, "you are with one person for the rest of your life," makes my stomach turn.

I know the awesome feeling of a super-strong crush and having that person reciprocate those feelings. I know the amazing highs of those first few months of endless sex and wonderful conversation. Its one of life's sweetest joys...

I also know the feeling of being completely annoyed with someone. The feeling that if she tries to sing along to another fucking song, I may bash her brains all over the passenger side window with my ipod--feeling. (whoa, psycho Jack coming out)

Why settle down this early? You will have many amazing experiences with many amazing women( or men). You will have a bottle of wine with a mysterious, beautiful French woman under the Effiel Tower. You might meet a girl named Cookie in an ice cream parlor and proceed to pour soft serve ice cream all over each other during love-making. You could stumble upon your uncle's secret harem and have never-ending group sex with an array of nameless virgins. You may even sleep with more than 4 or 5 women in your entire life!!!!!! "That would be so scandalous" JGF says with dripping sarcasm.

Point of the post.... Live life how you want to live your life. Get married, do whatever. Just pray you don't wake up at 44 and realize you wasted the prime years of your life, going down the wrong road. There WILL NOT be another time around the track.

PS. Whomever correctly gets my "Cookie in an ice cream parlor" reference and posts it in the comments section wins the chance to split a 12 pack of Milwaukee's Best with me. (Reader supplied of course.)

*With the ladies..... Be like this guy.


Me said...

I assume 2 girls 1 cup is too obvious an answer? I hope so...

"You start out with a lot of nice words. Then comes the hard part. You're supposed to compromise, but that wasn't for me. You're supposed to talk things over. I just waited for things to blow over. All six of my wives had the same complaints. I got sick of it. I'm better off single" -Some really old guy.

Is that my Christmas present, friend?

Anonymous said...

3% robot, 97% crying trainwreck?


xoxo m