Sunday, January 13, 2008

Ideas For 08'

Dance more. I'm tall, white and dance like an autistic monkey...But breaking it down at least once a day (even by myself) is good for the soul.

Start a letter writing campaign to The Stroke's frontman Julian Casablancas and convince him to at least make the effort to release a new album this year. You may be the greatest hipster band ever, but until one of you dies prematurely, or you really begin abusing substances(again)... Your immortality is not a given. Plus we want more new music. Same goes for D'Angelo and Maxwell.

Doing away with voicemail. Voicemail sucks and I'm assuming you all hate checking VM's as much as I do. If its important, I'm probably not the man to call anyways...but if so, text me....Its 2008 and I'm young. Get with the game.

More drunken make outs in bars with hot girls who just scrubbed the "X's" off their hands and are very young (but still legal of course). This is more of a personal idea, but I recommend it to all of my male readers.

Dirty talk, roleplaying, degradation, sharing a cup, etc....Mix it up. Its for your own good.

Start staring at people, and I don't mean just girls. Stare at anyone and everyone. The results may not always be favorable, but your life will get more interesting. If staring at girls, try and have a perverted smirk on your face and blink uncontrollably. Chicks love this.

Start looking for fights. If you follow the above advice, this should be easy. When fights do occur, never ever ever fight fair. Eye gouging and the dreaded "reverse two-finger ball jab" tend to work well. Cheap shots are also very effective.

More Caffeine. Your body eventually gets used to the daily coffee and daily Diet Cokes. You could take a week off and give your a body a break in an effort to lower your body's tolerance to caffeine.....or....You could drastically increase your caffeine intake and become a permenantly shaky-handed nutjob. Try the latter. Its easier.
Hit the gym. To many benefits to list...

Stop talking about your upcoming marriage and the arrangements and the locations and the blah blah fucking blah.... There is nothing as annoying as hearing some past her prime 30- something blabber on about finally tricking some dude into entering prison, umm I mean... holy matrimony. Other women have even confided in me that they also don't want to hear about it.

More hitting on the opposite sex. No matter the outcome...Just do it. Its fun and if done properly or done enough, you will have "relations" with many women and/or men.

Be more family oriented. Their there for me...Its time for me to be there for them.

Get your drink on. Listening to the "medical professionals" that say heavy alcohol consumption is bad for you is a big mistake. I undertook a heavy drinking regimen 8 years ago in a effort to disprove the "studies" and "facts" about drinking. Guess what? I have successfully proven everyone wrong. Belly up the bar soldier.

Try to incorporate more water balloons into your life.

When the street sign says "Don't Walk"....Walk. The world will appreciate it. :)


N said...

Hey! Why is that only a recommendation for the men?? ;)

Anonymous said...

In the spirit of this post, I got another recomendation from my own bucket list, finger bang a girl named "Tabitha" in the back of a open mike poetry night, after 6 grande mocha hazelnut cocoa lattes.


Jack Goes Forth said...

Replace Tabitha with "Big Lizzie", replace your location, with "the break room of my AA class" and replace 6 Lattes, with "4 swigs of flasked Vladimir vodka", and we're the same person anonymous.

Thanks for the addition.

Anonymous said...

JFG, I notice an undercurrent of self destruction evident in some of your posts and responses. You seem to want to become an alcoholic etc., as if to justify your quest to the masses. I don't necessarily agree that you need to degregate yourself to succeed in becoming liberated from the chains of society's expectations. You can be a rebel/outcast/revolutionary w/o rebelling in traditional ways. In fact that is what they want you to do. They want to be able to classify you as a denegerate/lazy/unmotivated/self loathing alcoholic, so that you fit nicely in one of their catagories. Which brings me to my initial point. I feel you use excessive drinking and self degregation as a crutch b/c it is what you mind has been conditioned to do in response to your decision to "rebel" (for lack of a better word) asgainst society's norms. I hope this is not the case and indeed it may not be. But just use this as food for thought to consider "rebelling" in non traditional ways and to expand the scope the ways in which you reject society. Question everything. Not just whether or not it is acceptable to drink on a Tuesday night.

Now all that being said, I'm a huge fan of alcohol etc. I also probably got way too philosophical and read too much into your methods, but I still think there is a point in there somewhere.

And as far as who "they" are, I don't know, but hope I never find out.


Jack Goes Forth said...


I agree whole-heartedly with your words. I generally do use my "hard-partying" as a way to show sarcasm and rebelliousness. I understand your point about society putting me in a "degenerate/ lazy" type of category, but quite honestly I really enjoy drinking and fornication. I enjoy it to the utmost. I'm not sure if there is anything better out there... If society will condemn me for having the max-amount of fun then fuck society. I want to make a statement, but I also want to live without restraint, and without caring about the words of my critics.....which is still very tough at this point.

Also I don't live nearly as hard as my blog would have you believe. I prescribe to the motto that you need to balance one extreme with another extreme. Heavy drinking,drugging and sexing...Get balanced out by excessive working out, excessive water consumption and a pretty healthy diet (except for day-after celebratory Mickey D's.)

Clearly from my response, I'm a scatter-brained crazy man. But I'm working on it.

Thanks for taking the time and I appreciate the comments. "Question everything."---good stuff

heyitsyou said...

wow for me your blog has come out of nowhere... well not really, i just stumbled across reading an old blog (justin's - awkward blog).

but it has been a long time since i have been able to read something and really relate to what is being written. your like a me i used to know a long time ago. except for the fact that i'm filipino, 5'5, and have yet to get finally embark on my journey like you have.

but not to sound gay (or that there is anything wrong with gaydom), your blog is probably going to help a lot as of right now in terms of living vicariously until move back to seattle in a couple of months.