Wednesday, January 16, 2008

High Fidelity and the Backslide

Ed.Note: If you don't like blog posts about sex...ahem, certain readers.... Do not continue on.

In my “quest” for enlightenment, or something called “employment”, I’ve gotten the chance to do a lot of TV watching. I’m not a Cable TV fan , but I have to do something to kill the time between hanging with Moms, sleeping, gym, drinking, and trolling for women. In my daytime TV travails I’ve been watching A LOT of crap. I blame my buddy, his big screen and his 500 channels. Movies watched from beginning to end in the past week and a half include, but are not limited to, How Stella Got Her Groove Back , Memoirs Of An Invisible Man, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and the lone bright spot in this shit-movie minefield, High Fidelity.

High Fidelity Quick Synopsis:
Rob (a classic John Cusack) gets ditched (yet again) by his current female-thing. This catalysts a sordid self examinatory process about all of his failed relationships. It's centered around his record shop, and colored by his two socially inadequate assistants (Jack Black and Todd Louiso)

For anyone who hasn’t seen High Fidelity, just do it. Its clever, witty and was filmed back when Jack Black was still funny. Just wait though, this post isn’t about glorifying this movie or any of the amazing movies John Cusack has made (Better Off Dead, One Crazy Summer, Grosse Pointe Blank, to name a few), instead this post is here to examine the concept of “back-sliding.”

Backslide: To revert to sin or wrongdoing.

While the movie is hilarious and rings true in many ways, John Cusack’s character is essentially a complete and utter bitch. He whines about past break-ups, he obsesses over women, he asks his recent ex if the sex with her new lover is better. He does every un-manly thing in the book. He is the definition of a beta male. I won’t ruin the movie but he eventually commits the sin of back-sliding with an ex. That is, hooking up with an ex, and I don't mean reuniting or getting back together...I mean doin the freaky-deaky. The movie isn’t really about backsliding…but it gots this ol’ boy thinking.

Who hasn’t committed a backslide??? If one person can honestly say that they have never backslid, then they are either a virgin, or had their genitalia mutilated right after their first major break up. A study released by the NAWWHI (National Association of Weak-Willed, Horny Individuals) , says that a backslide occurs every 3.4 seconds in America alone. (um…, real fact.) So you’ve experienced great sex and great intimacy with another person and now you’re lonely and want to experience it again…even if only for one night. I’m not criticizing you, because yes....your innocent, fresh-faced blogger, JGF, has committed the backslide. Infact I’ve been backsliding since you were in diapers (if you’re 12 years old). Admittedly this is a beta trait and I make every effort to avoid it and meet new, strange, beautiful women, but anyone who tells you they close strange booty every time out on the mound, if not named Roissy, is lying.

I have needs dammit! I get drunk and I send the booty text. I know the sex will be decent, good, and/or great. Then afterwards I can be a complete asshole and it’s not really a big surprise because they have already seen that side of Jack. The barren, cold, indifferent, bastard, robot Jack. In fact I can kick them out immediately…after the tears, arguments, “you dickhead!”, yada yada..…After the 5 minutes of fury, I’m stretched out in my bed, alone, with a smile on my face.

Sidenote: Is there a better feeling than diving under the covers, alone, right after sex? I think I’m starting to understand why some couples have separate beds.

Another Sidenote: The backslide/kick-out maneuver means avoiding the wet spot!!! …ummm, that is if someone was sweating during sex. :)

I’d like to stand up here on my pedestal and start a revolution…I’d like to say, lets put a STOP to re-sleeping with ex’s! Lets STOP obsessing over past lovers! Lets STOP being bitches, and START being men. But lets face it…Sex is fun, sex is great, me like more than masterbate (most of the time).

Starting today I will stop backsliding. I can already tell that this will be an awful and ultimately fruitless experiment.


Slightly Disorganized said...

oh yes, the backslide is bad, on both ends. cuz broads always think it means something.

Which it doesn't.

guilty as charged you honor.


Anonymous said...

dude, who are you?

dchero said...

You are doomed to failure. Backsliding is a second national past-time. After baseball.

The girl who is very glad she neverslept with you said...

You make me sad about mankind.

Jack Goes Forth said...

girl who never slept with me:

I knew I started this blog for a reason. :) Glad I could repay you for not sleeping with me...


Brie said...

The book is awesome as well, dude. ;)

And backsliding. It is pretty much the only form of "safe sex" we have left. ;)

Anonymous said...

Great post :)

heyitsyou said...

far and few in between have i not been able to say no to a "backslide" or convince the little head that what was about to happen is just going to bring more torment after coitous has been completed.

p.s. work is so mundane as of 14months ago that i could possibly be caught up on your whole blog within a few sessions.