The following is a description of a day in the life of Jack. An unemployed, 24 year old.
7:45: Wake up to my phone beeping and a text message. I can barely lift my head due to a massive headache and a case of the "spins". I'm at "someone's"(not gonna name names!!!!) apartment, not my own (because I'm currently squatting and do not have an apartment). I begin having fuzzy flashbacks of the night before... Mulitple bars, many Guinnesses, Miller Lites, and fruity, girly shots(not my choice). My mouth is like a dry pit of rat feces.
7:50: Get out of bed and stumble around the room trying to find my belongings. Keys: check. Wallet: check. Say goodbye...."I gotta bounce and go vomit in an alley somewhere, I'll call you soon." Short, eloquent.... thats my style.
7:52: Pimp walk to my ride with my eyes barely open and my head cocked at a weird angle in an effort to keep my headache at bay. Get in car and immediately grab CD's. Pick the "Rap Mix #6". Put it on number 2 and Ice Cube's, Today Was a Good Day blasts from my factory Nissan sound system. Even hungover, I bob my head and do a cigarette point at some hobos on the corner. The weather is nice so my windows are down and I'm letting everyone know how cool and tough I am by blasting gangsta rap.
8:05: Spot McDonalds! Hit the drive in and reward my awesomeness with a #10: The new Sausage Burrito, Hash brown and a Diet Coke(gotta keep it sexy).
8:10: Call a few "working" buddys and let them know how awesome my life is. End up getting burrito "sauce" all over myself as I try to drive, eat and talk at the same time.
8:30-10: Blow up my air mattress in my bud's living room and pass back out for a spell. Take three advil beforehand so hopefully when I wake up I'll be able to form complete sentences.
10:05: Phone blows up. Its a recruiter. I have a phone interview tomorrow for a job. Bad Ass. I'm so f-in awesome today that I gots people finding jobs for me. This makes me feel good about myself so I decide to reward myself with more sleep.
10:10- 10:50: Sleep.
10:55: Wake up and apply to a few more jobs on monster, hotjobs and career builder. Puttin in work son.
11:00: I continue to feel like I got yoked in the forehead last night. I decide to hit the gym, although not to workout. This hangover is so severe that its calling for a mean visit to the steam room. Gotta get the lead out baby.
11:15: Hit gym and do three sets of 12 pullups. I'm whiped. Better hit the steam room.
11:20-11:45: Alternate between the steam room and sauna until I've sweat out a few gallons of poison. Luckily the gym is dead and I manage to avoid any old man pean and/or ballsack. I begin to get paranoid in the steam room because of all the fungus ridden old people that inhabit that space. Decide to hit the showers.
12:15: Hit my Mom's place for a free lunch. One huge turkey and swiss sandwhich, a monster bowl of Special K Vanilla and Almonds and three bottles of water. Wash everything down with some OJ. I feel slightly better.
12:30-1:30: Half heartedly search the internet for jobs and apply to some. My buddy's cable TV and thousands of channels begin to distract me. (I know that you know that I'm against Cable TV, but sometimes, when hungover.... well... whatever.) I begin to watch the entire first season of Flight of the Conchords. I consider re-inflating my air mattress and catching a nap, but decide instead to just lounge on the couch with my comforter.
1:30-4:00 PM: Continue to text "working" stiffs and make fun of them. Make some ramen noodles (with the new cooking method..thanks J). Consider hitting the streets and continuing a search for a "fun" job to pay bills until I get a "real" job...But...The overcast skies and rapidly dropping temperatures kill that plan. Tomorrow will be a better day for that :)
4:15: My head is still pounding. I raid my buddys cabinets and take three more advil. I'm now on episode 7 of Flight of the Conchords. I think of my old life and how I would be staring at the clock in the office just praying for time to speed up while at the same time having someone screen any calls from my boss in NYC. I shudder thinking about that hell, then I laugh maniacally thinking about how happy I am now. I'm quite thirsty.
4:30: Hit the local Sheetz (gas station/eatery) for Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi and some tostitos. Consider hitting on some chicks in Sheetz, but they look really young. I draw the line at seniors in high school. Instead of hitting on them, I give them a fierce Zoolander/Blue Steel look as I walk out to my car. I assume that they immediately begin talking about me when I leave and saying how awesome, cool and/or badass I am.
5:00: Call Mom and ask if she wants to treat me to Outback for the third time in four nights. No luck. I decide instead to gorge myself on tostitos and ramen.
6:00: Buddy gets home from work and finds me shirtless, sprawled out on his favorite couch, TV blasting, porn on my labtop and covered in tostitos. We proceed to spend an hour talking about our other friends and making fun of them. Pretty standard stuff.
7:30: As its not Friday, my buddy decides he will stay in tonight. I consider going out for a drink but then realize that my body can't handle it right now. Continue drinking Diet Pepsi and being awesome. Mention to my buddy that the girls better watch out tommorow night, cause a rested Jack, is a dangerous Jack.
8-Midnight: TV, blogging, internet, some job searching. Nothing really fun or awesome. I think about how I can sleep in tomorrow. Awwwww.... I love life.